A Female Narcissist lacks empathy, much like a Male Narcissist. They are entitled and accusatory as well as manipulative, once they know they have you. The destruction begins, and it can start off subtly. Pretty soon, you lose your sense of self.
The Female Narcissist could be a boss, co-worker, or family member.
The traits are similar to a Male Narcissist. They crave attention, seeking validation, blame shifting, and admiration.
They are competitive, especially with other females. They are highly critical, just never be critical of them!
They do not take responsibility for their actions, have a victim mentality, seeking sympathy, and use people to get what they want, which can also include sex.
Healing from a breakup is the worst, but healing from a Narcissistic Discard is an entirely different situation.
When you are in a relationship with a kind, caring, loving partner and you break up, yes, you need time to heal. It is painful and sad, but you understand what went wrong as you start to heal and grow from the experience. You learn from it.
A narcissistic or toxic relationship is excruciating once it is over. You gave them so much while receiving little or nothing in return. You are left depleted of energy, emotion, and self.
There is no equal give and take.
Looking back, you find these to be true; they changed who you were as a person, isolated you from your friends, family, and your support system. They might move you away from them. This is so the Narcissist has complete control over you.
Healing takes time; there is no rushing through it. You need to grieve since this feels like a death. Whether it be a relationship or marriage. Each step can often feel like a step back; this is part of the process. Do not give up.
Being with them was a lesson; you were mistreated, devalued, ignored, taken for granted, and ridiculed. You did not know what Narcissistic Abuse was, what the red flags were.
You will slowly begin to understand that what you experienced was toxic, and you will never want to make that same mistake again.
A Narcissist does not feel any remorse for what they did to you, and will never get closure. You will give yourself closure when you understand why this happened.
This hard lesson has made you stronger, and you will begin to notice what red flags to watch for.
Part of the healing process is journaling. A great tool to gain some understanding of what you experienced.
The emotions you encounter when you are with a toxic or narcissistic individual can change from one minute to the next. You could be in a great mood until they come home, or if you are visited by a toxic family member who only complains as soon as they set foot into your home. Your great day is now ruined.
It is as if they are having a bad day; you should too. They thrive on chaos, stressing you out! It is exhausting!
This soon causes you anxiety, you don’t know who you will get when the door opens.
They hate seeing you show emotion. When you cry, they cannot be bothered.
The toll it takes on you is something you can’t explain.
If you ever go on vacation with them, it can be stressful. Diving dangerously, knowing that it makes you anxious. They don’t care. They become dismissive, yell at you, or begin gaslighting you, especially around friends.
They want you to feel how they feel deep down.
I was devastated after the discard, betrayed, and angry. Did I want revenge? At first, yes, but what good would that do? As he was packing his things, I never tried to stop or beg him to stay. I am pretty sure that after a while of the mind games, the cheating, the belittling. I was done with all of it.
I began to focus on myself, something you never have the chance to do when you are with a Narcissist. You were too busy jumping through hoops to make peace, to try making them happy, that was a losing battle.
The Discard was and still is a blessing, a gift.
I found peace, especially after going no contact, blocking them on social media, and deleting the photos of us. I used the gray rock method whenever I had to be face-to-face with them.
I watched a video today that I wanted to share. I think you will enjoy it. It’s by Mel Robbins
Going Beyond No Contact
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We often feel defeated, lost or confused and definitely angry once the relationship is over.
Now comes the healing process.
Most likely, I will be posting about this often, because it is very important to take care of yourself.
Here are some ideas to help you along the way.
Journaling – Get your thoughts and feelings on paper. You will have up days and down days, and that is completely normal. Writing daily about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions is very therapeutic; it makes you feel better, giving you a greater understanding of what you experienced.
Holding in emotions will only make you feel worse.
Counseling – Talking to a professional, especially one who specializes in Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma, is essential. You want someone who will listen to you and guide you through the steps to healing. You may notice that after the first two sessions, you feel worse; this is a common occurrence, but do not get discouraged. It will get better.
Medication– Speak to your primary care physician, be honest, and tell them how you feel. Ask if a low-dose antidepressant is advised or another alternative to help if you are experiencing anxiety.
Meditation– Look for a quiet, distraction-free, relaxing space.
For those seeking a meditation and relaxation app, Calm is an excellent choice. They offer a trial version.
Self-Care – Focusing on yourself is vital, both mentally and physically. It is not selfish.
Write A Letter to yourself as well as your Ex – A letter to yourself can be a way to forgive yourself for everything you allowed because you didn’t set boundaries. You may have dismissed their behavior, not realizing the impact of toxic relationships, emotional abuse, or narcissism. Remember, you deserve so much better.
Writing a letter to your ex can be a way to express your feelings, including the disrespect and pain you’ve endured from their cowardly treatment. Let the words flow. Once you have finished writing the letters, consider burning them.
Delete photos of the two of you – Looking at them will only cause more pain and give you false hope of them possibly trying to reach out again. If you review those pictures, you’ll likely see the pain behind those eyes and come to realize that you were never happy when you were with them.
Delete and block their number and contact – This will not be easy, but it is necessary as you move forward. Be sure to block them on social media as well.
Reach out to Family and Friends – When you were with the Narcissist, they isolated you from those close to you. It is time to reconnect!
Yoga – This aligns with self-care and can be practiced at home if a yoga studio is not accessible. You can find great sessions on YouTube
Self-Reflect – You are not to blame for what happened, but understanding that they chose you for a reason, they knew you did not have proper boundaries in place, and the knowledge. You may have been a people pleaser, ignored the red flags, or been codependent.
This changes when you are healing, you understand what to watch for, know your worth, and set clear, strict boundaries.
Remember, A toxic individual is broken; it is not your responsibility to fix them.
Walk away, do not look back.
Let Them Go!!
I hope that this post was helpful to you.
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Let’s face it, a Narcissist or a toxic person can be great at distorting the truth; they take pleasure in manipulating anyone, even their own family, but of course, if you are out of the “situationship” with the narcissist, have emerged from the Narcissistic Fog or maybe even dodged The Love Bombing Stage. You know what I am talking about.
If you don’t, you soon will!
A Narcissist loves the chase, the control they can have over you, every aspect of your life. It even affects your decision-making as well as your memory. Personal space or privacy? That does not exist to the Narcissist, but they will demand it from you, going so far as to lock you out of your own room.
They control who you talk to, isolate you from friends and family. It feels like you are being held prisoner, oftentimes in your own home.
They demand your undivided attention, adoration, and praise. If you are using your phone, taking a call. They want to know who you are talking to. Try to do that to a Narcissist and you will be met with a temper tantrum or silent treatment, another manipulation tactic.
Another common tactic used for manipulation is Gaslighting, which leaves you to question your own reality.
Once you start realizing your worth and the abuse you have encountered, you will understand that what you have gone through was domestic abuse. Begin the process of educating yourself about Narcissistic Abuse Awareness, The Red Flags to look out for, and regain your independence, your sense of self.
This has made you a stronger person, someone who will not be manipulated, used, ridiculed, or taken advantage of. Ever again.
You are an incredible person, deserving of so much better. You matter.
Remember that.
I hope this information has been helpful. Feel free to share it with anyone who might find it informative.
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As you begin the healing process and the narcissistic fog begins to lift, you can now focus on yourself and getting your life back. One of the vital steps you need to take is to go no contact. This might not be easy if you have children together, but some apps can be used as a safer way to communicate.
Block them on social media. You do not need to know what they are doing, and they do not need to know what you are doing. It is no one’s business.
This is part of going no contact.
Now, if you do have to meet with them, using gray rock is best. Be stoic. Give short, emotionless responses. They will seek a reaction from you. Do not give them one.
Stay strong.
The next step is not easy, but necessary. I say this because you may be filled with uncertainty, or maybe thinking they will come back. After what they put you through, do you really want that?
Remove them from your contacts.
Removing their contact information is liberating; you won’t see their name pop up when your phone rings. Instead, ask them to correspond via email and set strict boundaries regarding this.
I hope this information has been helpful. If you plan to leave a toxic situation, please do NOT inform the other party. Please do not hesitate to reach out for help, your close friends, family, even law enforcement your own safety and well being is important.
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It is hard to believe it has been several years since the discard. I never would have imagined being in that situation, ever. But it was a repeated lesson I have finally learned from. In past relationships, I was used and taken advantage of. I had zero boundaries.
I know that a person will show their true self, and it is my fault that I ignored all those red flags; trust me, there were many!
When a person wants to know everything there is to know about you yet reveals little about themselves, be the better person and walk away.
The fast-moving relationship, yeah, ignored that too.
We encounter many life lessons; this one is one of the toughest.
The toxic person in our life gained trust and knew how to manipulate.
They put on a good show.
They love chaos! Purposely start an argument so you get upset. A person who genuinely loves and respects you will not do that; they will work the problem out with you, not walk away.
The narcissist is incapable of love. We love the person we thought they were, but we must remember that the most important person to love is ourselves.
You were always there for them, but were they ever truly there for you?
What you offered them was never enough; they raised the bar higher.
Anything they did for you came with strings attached.
They never appreciate what you do for them. My ex took me for granted, never felt bad about it, no apologies. Just bread crumbs in hopes that the mistreatment would be forgotten.
Before they discard you, they act indifferent, yet want friendship. They only want something from you to continue their twisted game.
Why would you want to be friends with someone like that?
The big lesson: You deserve better! Once you understand all the Red Flags, your gut instinct will never be ignored again.
This was not your fault.
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There are times when you may see them cry, but you never see tears. This I have personally seen firsthand.
They get angry, they laugh, and they have some moments of sadness. Everyone does, crying. This is what is commonly known as crocodile tears. They use it to gain sympathy, a form of manipulation. One of the many tactics used.
I think that after a while, we become indifferent to this behavior.
At least from what I have noticed, they look uncomfortable, a weird expression on their face when others show emotion. They hate seeing their own children cry. Have you encountered this?
It is completely acceptable to express your emotions; doing so does not make you weak. Your feelings are valid. If you are feeling upset, sad, or angry, it’s important to share those feelings with them. However, in the case of a Narcissist, such emotions are often suppressed by their spouse or children, as the Narcissist tends to invalidate these feelings.
If they are upset, they become very quiet, and we find ourselves apologizing.
The abuser’s tears are not genuine; as mentioned, they are a manipulation tactic. This tactic can also be employed during the hoover phase when they offer a fake apology.
I hope that this helped give you a better understanding of this topic.
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Stages Of A Narcissistic Relationship – Love Bombing
The Love Bombing Phase is characterized by intense efforts to impress you. Giving you lots of attention. Maybe even buy you gifts. They actively pursue you, call you frequently, and are very attentive to your needs. Going above and beyond to help you. They love everything about you, flaws and all. You can do no wrong.
They seem so perfect, you wonder how lucky you are to find someone so loving and caring. You share the same interests.
You are surrounded by love, attention, and admiration. You have never felt so happy and cherished.
Yes, it is exactly how it sounds! You both seem to be totally and completely in love with one another. Time apart feels like an eternity. You call each other or find that they call constantly. Your phone rings nonstop as they try to reach you, but you think it’s so sweet that no one else has cared so much about you and your day.
But, that’s ok, right.?
NO!
This is a form of manipulation, not love or genuine concern. A huge Red Flag!
Stage Three – Devalue
This is when the Narcissist has you feel awful about yourself, with very low self-esteem, to the point where they will give you a compliment, but you have trouble believing them. Especially when they give you backhanded compliments, which are no more than insults.
They act like they care less and less about you, giving the silent treatment, pushing you away.
The once sweet, caring, and loving person is beginning to resent you, and their mask has started to slip. You feel confused and at fault, but this is also part of their game.
They have a backup supply waiting for them.
Stage Four – Discard
Since they have someone waiting for them, whether it be someone new, an ex. It does not matter.
This situation is the most cruel and seems to have been planned from the start of the relationship. You find yourself at your most vulnerable, feeling broken and lacking self-worth. They used you until you became just a shell of your former self. They took what they could from you, everything that made you who you are. Everything they took advantage of. Now that you are no longer of any use to them, you are left feeling confused and shattered.
This is when the mask slips; gone is the kind, caring expression. You are now looking at the face of evil.
Up From The Ashes 