Category: NarcissisticAbuse

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What Angers the Narcissist?

Are They Jealous?

A Narcissist can be bothered by the most minute things, and it appears out of nowhere. Their moods can be compared to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

They think that they are superior to everyone else and they hate being corrected, when they get constructive criticism, or being wrong. Especially from a higher authority.

Competitive? Definitely! They hate to lose!

A Narcissist is like a child, wanting all the toys, when they get something new, this is their opportunity to brag about it too. Something they love to do. A lot.

They hate when people are late.

You will notice when they get behind the wheel, severe road rage! That can be incredibly scary!

They hate it when you are sick, it means that they have to take on the responsibility of caring for you as well as your children, if you have them. If your children get sick, the reaction is the same.

The Narcissist is not the focus; this makes them angry.

If you or your children have made any major accomplishments, this angers them to the point where they may belittle anything to try to upset you. A time in your life when you should be proud. Yes, they are not only jealous of you; they are also envious of your children.

Anytime you don’t pay attention to them, they get angry.

The emphasis should consistently be on them. Remember, they thrive on attention, adoration, admiration, and constant validation.

They get angry if you leave them alone, or when you ask for help, even to fix something. You will get excuses or a tantrum. Yet they make you dependent on them.

Early in the relationship, they were more than willing to help you, but as time went on, in their eyes, you became a burden to them, and that made them angry.

My motto was, if you want something done, figure it out and do it yourself.

A narcissist reacts with anger when they are exposed; they despise being discovered.

When you tell them No and set clear boundaries,  going No Contact.

When you move on and are happy.

You are not asking for too much, they just offer you too little. The bare minimum.

Their irrational behavior makes you anxious and feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells or merely keeping the peace.

Their anger issues only get worse with age, along with their sense of entitlement or delusion.  I  did a post about this, The Aging Narcissist

Anyone experiencing Narcissistic Abuse may be familiar with this.

Please don’t blame yourself. 

If you are in a Narcissistic Abusive situation, please seek immediate assistance by contacting your local police or domestic violence hotline.

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The Changing Narcissist

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The Chameleon

Like the chameleon, a Narcissist is always changing to either fit in with everyone or hide who they really are.

A Narcissist will almost always change their taste in music, what they wear, and how they present themselves in front of others. Especially if it is to gain supply.

The hobbies or interests you have may suddenly also interest them. If you like photography

They will have an interest in it.

Some of the music you enjoy listening to will be played around you because they like it now. Of course, there will be times when they dislike it and will be vocal about it.

After a while, you find that the interests you once had are pushed aside, no longer enjoyable, because you are either being forced to do them or just too tired to do anything, since being with a Narcissist or a toxic person.

They have drained you.

Now you will notice a change. A Covert Narcissist, especially, will start to act indifferently towards you. You spend less and less time together. Yes, you will receive the occasional breadcrumbing to see if you are still interested, which will lead you to believe that everything is fine. it is not. This is part of their playbook.

They are focusing on a new supply. Your replacement. The next phase of the Narcissistic Cycle is always the Discard. The biggest change to their personality you will ever see and never forget. Their true self. The person behind the mask.

Time to shift the focus to you.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Looking ahead, now is a great opportunity to rediscover yourself, focus on your mental and physical health. The person you once were no longer exists.

Mourn what you thought “What could have been,” and know that you have a new start. Freedom.

Start doing what you enjoy. I mention this many times on different posts because it is important.

What have you always wanted to do but were held back by the Narcissist? You can do that now.

Read or listen to a good book. Start a journal whatever you want to do.

One thing I hear a lot about is doing Shadow Work healing and working on yourself. Personally, I enjoy learning about Stoicism

It is also beneficial in the healing process; you may discover tools that work specifically for you.

We need to educate ourselves, as well as others, about Narcissism and the many types to be aware of, not ignoring the signs. A narcissist can only hide behind many masks for so long before they become too burdensome.

We can change for the better, grow, and learn through this painful but necessary life lesson. While a Narcissist will never change for the better, unless they understand something within them is not right, and they get help.

They will only get worse and bitter as the cycle continues.

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What Happens After Narcissistic Abuse

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Self Reflection

Over the past few weeks, I have done quite a bit of this myself.

Not the “What Ifs” or anything like that. It was the realization of what I allowed to happen. I accepted the mistreatment for 30 years thinking it was normal behavior since I grew up with a Narcissistic Father.

It was abuse, not joking, not love, getting the bare minimum while I gave 100 percent in the relationship.

Love should not hurt, yet the Narcissist does everything they can to cause you to doubt yourself, belittle and isolate you.

Anyone who has experienced the discard knows the pain; it is like nothing you have ever endured.

I never knew how bad things were in our marriage until after they walked away from my life, only to begin a new life with someone else. You are left to pick up the pieces. To clean up the mess and the chaos they left behind.

Everyone around me knew about the manipulation and the mistreatment, except for a few of his friends, but they noticed a change.

Post-discard felt like being in Hell, the endless climb out of the depths of despair, anger, and a wide range of emotions. Sometimes, these feelings creep back, seemingly out of nowhere, while on other days, you feel fine.

The abuse encountered was 100 percent real, no question.

Trusting people again becomes a challenge. It is a big hurdle to jump over; this will take time, so go easy on yourself.

Personally, my expectations now are extremely high. I had to learn the tough lesson that my past relationships and even my marriage were doomed from the start. Because I was misled and used time and time again. I never set clear boundaries which caused many to take advantage and disrespect me or disregard my feelings.

At first, it felt like I wasted my time since the marriage felt one-sided, and they were only interested in what they could get. There is always a hidden agenda with a Narcissist, and no one deserves that kind of disrespect. They treat a complete stranger better than they treat you, which is unusual behavior. As well as a red flag.

We don’t need to be with someone who wants our undivided attention, constant admiration, or when our love is not reciprocated, only questioned.

This lesson did not leave me bitter. I am no longer the person I once was. I am indifferent, not a people pleaser. I have also come to understand, as I am sure you have. The person whom I thought I knew was not real. But the belittling, constant criticizing, that was real.

Once the mask becomes too heavy, it starts to fall apart and shatter. You see them for who they truly are.

I would not wish this experience on anyone, but I did learn from it. It may take a few times before you finally know your worth and realize this was not your fault, that you deserve love far more than what was given.

You will find yourself wondering, “What was I thinking?!”

The positive side, you can and will get through this. You will rise above all the pain and trauma and thrive. Meanwhile, they will be stuck in the toxic cycle.

Believe it or not, they gave you the gift of being independent. You were too strong for them.

Learn from your experiences, educate yourself about Narcissistic Abuse, and share this knowledge with someone who may be going through a similar situation.

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When You Are Through With The Narcissistic Games

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The Truth Appears

Over time, as you learn about Narcissism, the emotional abuse you suffered, A clearer understanding emerges.

After a while, something just clicks! It was all a game to them, and you’ve had enough.

You understand that you were not the problem or the fixer of their past trauma, and not their Parent. Of course, the even bigger realization is that you were not equal partners.

To the Narcissist, you were only a supply source. You gave everything, love, attention, and you were there for them. What did you get in return?

This realization stirs up many emotions, and you may have found that trying to please the Narcissist has left you depleted both mentally and physically. That is the goal of the Narcissist.

The Bread Crumbing and the Narcissistic Fog were used to keep you confused. In the early stages of the relationship, things seemed off, but you didn’t recognize it as a form of abuse.

Now that they are out of your life, and the fog has lifted, you can do what makes you happy.

What the Narcissist never counted on was you getting stronger. Educating Yourself about Narcissistic Abuse

They may try to come around to see if they can manipulate you. If you are feeling bitter or angry towards them. Remember, this is not someone who genuinely loves or cares for you. They showed you all along how they really felt about you.

You look at them differently now, the games they played with you are over as far as you’re concerned.

It seems as though you are indifferent towards them; you show no emotion, provide no explanations, and share nothing about yourself or your personal life. To you, they feel like a stranger because the person you believed them to be was a lie. The mask they wore concealed their true feelings.

Learn to love yourself. Know how you want and expect to be treated, because you never want to experience Narcissistic Abuse ever again.

Feel free to contact me with any questions! My email and social media links are available on my website.

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Being With A Narcissist Is Exhausting

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Getting Back On Schedule- Post Break-Up

The one thing you feel during the relationship and once it is over is exhaustion. Your body is so used to inadequate sleep that you feel like running on fumes.

You are always tired, either tossing and turning or anxious.

During the relationship with the Narcissist, did you really get a good night’s sleep? More than likely, you didn’t. They either tried talking to you as you were trying to sleep or snored so loud you thought the roof shingles would fly off.

The lack of sleep made you vulnerable to illness, inability to focus on daily tasks, and ultimately affected your mood, something I am sure the Narcissist pointed out to you as well.

Hopefully, this is all behind you now, and you can focus on your health, well-being, and getting quality sleep.

One tool that is well worth the investment is a weighted blanket

These are life-changing and very comforting, as they help with anxiety and overall comfort.

I have one and I love it!

A noise-cancelling sleep mask can help you relax and unwind while you enjoy music, an audiobook, or a Podcast.

Another idea to help you create a calm environment so you will drift off to sleep is an essential oil diffuser

Please do not use this around pets; essential oils are toxic.

I hope this brings you a better understanding of what you are currently experiencing or have previously. You are definitely not alone.

You will get through this!

Please feel free to Like, Share, Follow, and reach out if you have any questions. The link to my email is on my website, along with links to social media

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The Benefits of Journaling

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Part Of The Process Post-Narcissist Discard

If you have never started a journal, now is a great time to start! Journaling doesn’t require much time; it can be done first thing in the morning or before you sleep. There is no specific time to journal, and it is very therapeutic.

If you go to counseling, they may suggest starting a journal.

I have included some suggested links if you are wondering where to start. A good quality, comfortable writing pen is essential; you don’t need anything fancy. The link to the pens I personally use is below.

The same applies to your journal, whether it is hardcover, It can even be a simple notebook.

The point is. It is what you are comfortable with.

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Writing about what you experienced with the Narcissist can bring out a range of emotions that were most likely kept hidden. Sometimes writing about what you endured, and yes, you endured a lot!

With time and reflection, a clearer understanding will emerge. It’s all part of the journey.

Let those feelings out.

When you are done journaling, just be sure to keep it in a safe place!

I know that journaling is not for everyone, and it is okay. There are other tools you can use in the healing process, maybe a new hobby or interest that you put aside when you were with the Narcissist?

I hope this post was helpful to you in some way. Please, like, share, comment, and follow me on social media to stay updated, so you never miss future content!

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Divorcing A Narcissist

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The Games Continue

This doesn’t mean the fight is over when the marriage ends. A Narcissist will do what they can to drag the process and withhold what you are entitled to.

If you are in the early stages of divorce, have decided to file, be sure to find an excellent lawyer, one who understands Narcissism; they will be able to help you and will see through the games. Do not tell the Narcissist that you intend to file!

A Narcissist will be charming, maybe even compliant to you, your lawyer, and even the judge. Their goal is to portray you as someone unreliable and unstable. While they appear innocent.

Complete a separation agreement; if you share children, the lawyer will need their date of birth to determine if they are eligible for child support.

Calculate your expenses, divide whatever property you share, but communicate with your lawyer about what they need from you.

Any communication from your spouse should only go through your attorney. They will speak on your behalf. This will ease some of the anxiety you may be experiencing.

You never imagined going through this, but you will do just fine.

Be strong. You Got This!

Court Battles with the Narcissist

Video Courtesy of: Rebecca Zung

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The Sneaky Way a Narcissist Tries to Control You

Can We Be Friends?

The one question you thought you would never be asked by your ex, but here it is: “Can we be friends”? This is the person who tried to destroy you, mentally and physically. Treated you as if you meant nothing to them. Now they want to be friends?

Let us be honest, do you believe this is genuine?

This is just their way of continuing to control you, manipulate you. See if you will take them back. This is someone you want nothing to do with.

You don’t need them; if anything, they need you. It is only for supply.

If you are worried about being alone, you already were when you and the Narcissist were together. They were never there for you.

They are with their new or recycled supply, perhaps even married to them, and they claim to be happy. Are they trying to convince you, or themselves?

Besides, you are moving forward, taking care of yourself, and shifting the focus to what you want to do. You have a newfound freedom and a clear understanding of what you experienced when you were with the Narcissist.

I hope this helped you in some way. If you are going through this right now, you are stronger because of what you experienced. You will be okay.

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Gaslighting, Empty Promises, Toxic Tools of a Narcissist

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More Mind Games

The term Gaslighting is used often, but what does it mean? It is a form of emotional abuse where you are left to question your own reality. You may hear from people who have had a boss or Doctor use that on them, so it is not only the toxic spouse, sibling, family member, or a trusted friend.

Some terms you will hear: “I never said that.” They will lie to you about something and change the subject, hoping to divert the conversation.

You made me act that way is a scapegoat tactic, putting the blame on the narcissist’s intended target, you.

Birthdays and anniversaries are often postponed for another day, but never dismiss their birthday celebration.

They make promises with no intent of keeping them. This could also include them saying they promise to get help or promise to do better.

More Lies.

They claim you lack spontaneity and fail to make plans. When you share your ideas, they often disregard them, only to later present them as their own. They take pleasure in claiming credit for others’ ideas.

When they plan something you are disinterested in, you reluctantly agree to avoid conflict or a temper tantrum. Then you are constantly asked, “Are you having fun?” Of course, there are some occasions when they take you someplace and you have fun.

Below is a video about the signs of Gaslighting, so you will know what to watch out for.

Signs Of Gaslighting

Video Courtesy: Psych2Go

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One Side Effect that you notice post-Narcissist Discard

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How A Narcissist Affects Your Health

There are many symptoms you may or may not notice during a toxic relationship or marriage to a Narcissist.

Until the relationship finally ends.


The dismissive behavior, where they use those subtle jabs, is usually present throughout the relationship. Sleep disturbances and lack of sleep occur when they either talk to you, say something to upset you, or start a fight, knowing it will bother you. They will, of course, expect sex. While offering no apology.

Anxiety and Depression, this happens when you are constantly trying to make them happy, keep the peace, while you’re thoughts and feelings are being dismissed or ignored. Feeling like you are always walking on eggshells.

Accusations of your unfaithfulness, which are actually confessions. Causing you to defend yourself, as it lowers your self-esteem.

The Narcissist hates when you are sick or when your children are. The narcissist dislikes it when you or your children are not feeling well, as this requires effort from them; they do not show compassion or care. This behavior is off-putting.

I remember when they were not feeling well, dropping everything to tend to their needs. Even taking them to the hospital. But when I had surgery or a sick child in the hospital, did you think they stayed?

You experienced unexplained aches, pains, and exhaustion. This is a noticeable side effect that gradually diminishes as you heal after the end of the relationship.

Once the toxic person is removed from your life, you start to feel better and gain clarity on everything you experienced. Regaining your strength, self-worth, and confidence is a gradual process that helps eliminate self-doubt. It takes time to rebuild your strength, self-worth, and confidence while removing self-doubt.

You never look at them the same way ever again. It was you who had the caring, compassionate understanding, the love. This, you now realize, was never given to you in return.

They just watched as you slowly fell apart.

What they offered may have seemed significant because we believed the love they showed was real. We now know the truth. The most powerful gift of all was the awakening to your own worth—the undeniable truth that you are deserving of far more than they could ever provide. You gave them something they could never reciprocate. Genuine love.

I hope this post helps you gain more clarity.

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