Category: TheNarcissisticDiscard

Navigating the painful aftermath of the narcissistic discard, understanding why they walk away, and finding the validation you need to rebuild your life.

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Lessons Learned After Narcissistic Discard

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Mistakes Were Made

It is hard to believe it has been several years since the discard. I never would have imagined being in that situation, ever. But it was a repeated lesson I have finally learned from. In past relationships, I was used and taken advantage of. I had zero boundaries.

I know that a person will show their true self, and it is my fault that I ignored all those red flags; trust me, there were many!

When a person wants to know everything there is to know about you yet reveals little about themselves, be the better person and walk away.

The fast-moving relationship, yeah, ignored that too.

We encounter many life lessons; this one is one of the toughest.

The toxic person in our life gained trust and knew how to manipulate.

They put on a good show.

They love chaos! Purposely start an argument so you get upset. A person who genuinely loves and respects you will not do that; they will work the problem out with you, not walk away.

The narcissist is incapable of love. We love the person we thought they were, but we must remember that the most important person to love is ourselves.

You were always there for them, but were they ever truly there for you?

What you offered them was never enough; they raised the bar higher.

Anything they did for you came with strings attached.

They never appreciate what you do for them. My ex took me for granted, never felt bad about it, no apologies. Just bread crumbs in hopes that the mistreatment would be forgotten.

Before they discard you, they act indifferent, yet want friendship. They only want something from you to continue their twisted game.

Why would you want to be friends with someone like that?

The big lesson: You deserve better! Once you understand all the Red Flags, your gut instinct will never be ignored again.

This was not your fault.

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Does A Narcissist Show Emotion?

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Crocodile Tears

There are times when you may see them cry, but you never see tears. This I have personally seen firsthand.

They get angry, they laugh, and they have some moments of sadness. Everyone does, crying. This is what is commonly known as crocodile tears. They use it to gain sympathy, a form of manipulation. One of the many tactics used.

I think that after a while, we become indifferent to this behavior.

At least from what I have noticed, they look uncomfortable, a weird expression on their face when others show emotion. They hate seeing their own children cry. Have you encountered this?

It is completely acceptable to express your emotions; doing so does not make you weak. Your feelings are valid. If you are feeling upset, sad, or angry, it’s important to share those feelings with them. However, in the case of a Narcissist, such emotions are often suppressed by their spouse or children, as the Narcissist tends to invalidate these feelings.

If they are upset, they become very quiet, and we find ourselves apologizing.

The abuser’s tears are not genuine; as mentioned, they are a manipulation tactic. This tactic can also be employed during the hoover phase when they offer a fake apology.

I hope that this helped give you a better understanding of this topic.

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Stages Of A Narcissistic Relationship

Stages Of A Narcissistic Relationship – Love Bombing

The Love Bombing Phase is characterized by intense efforts to impress you. Giving you lots of attention. Maybe even buy you gifts. They actively pursue you, call you frequently, and are very attentive to your needs. Going above and beyond to help you. They love everything about you, flaws and all. You can do no wrong.

They seem so perfect, you wonder how lucky you are to find someone so loving and caring. You share the same interests.

You are surrounded by love, attention, and admiration. You have never felt so happy and cherished.

You are put on a pedestal.


Stage Two The Honeymoon Phase – Idealization

The Honeymoon Phase of A Narcissistic Relationship
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Never Felt This Way Before!

Yes, it is exactly how it sounds! You both seem to be totally and completely in love with one another. Time apart feels like an eternity. You call each other or find that they call constantly. Your phone rings nonstop as they try to reach you, but you think it’s so sweet that no one else has cared so much about you and your day.

But, that’s ok, right.?

NO!

This is a form of manipulation, not love or genuine concern. A huge Red Flag!

Stage Three – Devalue

This is when the Narcissist has you feel awful about yourself, with very low self-esteem, to the point where they will give you a compliment, but you have trouble believing them. Especially when they give you backhanded compliments, which are no more than insults.

They act like they care less and less about you, giving the silent treatment, pushing you away.

The once sweet, caring, and loving person is beginning to resent you, and their mask has started to slip. You feel confused and at fault, but this is also part of their game.

They have a backup supply waiting for them.

Stage Four – Discard

Since they have someone waiting for them, whether it be someone new, an ex. It does not matter.

This situation is the most cruel and seems to have been planned from the start of the relationship. You find yourself at your most vulnerable, feeling broken and lacking self-worth. They used you until you became just a shell of your former self. They took what they could from you, everything that made you who you are. Everything they took advantage of. Now that you are no longer of any use to them, you are left feeling confused and shattered.

This is when the mask slips; gone is the kind, caring expression. You are now looking at the face of evil.