A Female Narcissist lacks empathy, much like a Male Narcissist. They are entitled and accusatory as well as manipulative, once they know they have you. The destruction begins, and it can start off subtly. Pretty soon, you lose your sense of self.
The Female Narcissist could be a boss, co-worker, or family member.
The traits are similar to a Male Narcissist. They crave attention, seeking validation, blame shifting, and admiration.
They are competitive, especially with other females. They are highly critical, just never be critical of them!
They do not take responsibility for their actions, have a victim mentality, seeking sympathy, and use people to get what they want, which can also include sex.
Healing from a breakup is the worst, but healing from a Narcissistic Discard is an entirely different situation.
When you are in a relationship with a kind, caring, loving partner and you break up, yes, you need time to heal. It is painful and sad, but you understand what went wrong as you start to heal and grow from the experience. You learn from it.
A narcissistic or toxic relationship is excruciating once it is over. You gave them so much while receiving little or nothing in return. You are left depleted of energy, emotion, and self.
There is no equal give and take.
Looking back, you find these to be true; they changed who you were as a person, isolated you from your friends, family, and your support system. They might move you away from them. This is so the Narcissist has complete control over you.
Healing takes time; there is no rushing through it. You need to grieve since this feels like a death. Whether it be a relationship or marriage. Each step can often feel like a step back; this is part of the process. Do not give up.
Being with them was a lesson; you were mistreated, devalued, ignored, taken for granted, and ridiculed. You did not know what Narcissistic Abuse was, what the red flags were.
You will slowly begin to understand that what you experienced was toxic, and you will never want to make that same mistake again.
A Narcissist does not feel any remorse for what they did to you, and will never get closure. You will give yourself closure when you understand why this happened.
This hard lesson has made you stronger, and you will begin to notice what red flags to watch for.
Part of the healing process is journaling. A great tool to gain some understanding of what you experienced.
The emotions you encounter when you are with a toxic or narcissistic individual can change from one minute to the next. You could be in a great mood until they come home, or if you are visited by a toxic family member who only complains as soon as they set foot into your home. Your great day is now ruined.
It is as if they are having a bad day; you should too. They thrive on chaos, stressing you out! It is exhausting!
This soon causes you anxiety, you don’t know who you will get when the door opens.
They hate seeing you show emotion. When you cry, they cannot be bothered.
The toll it takes on you is something you can’t explain.
If you ever go on vacation with them, it can be stressful. Diving dangerously, knowing that it makes you anxious. They don’t care. They become dismissive, yell at you, or begin gaslighting you, especially around friends.
They want you to feel how they feel deep down.
I was devastated after the discard, betrayed, and angry. Did I want revenge? At first, yes, but what good would that do? As he was packing his things, I never tried to stop or beg him to stay. I am pretty sure that after a while of the mind games, the cheating, the belittling. I was done with all of it.
I began to focus on myself, something you never have the chance to do when you are with a Narcissist. You were too busy jumping through hoops to make peace, to try making them happy, that was a losing battle.
The Discard was and still is a blessing, a gift.
I found peace, especially after going no contact, blocking them on social media, and deleting the photos of us. I used the gray rock method whenever I had to be face-to-face with them.
I watched a video today that I wanted to share. I think you will enjoy it. It’s by Mel Robbins
Going Beyond No Contact
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Let’s face it, a Narcissist or a toxic person can be great at distorting the truth; they take pleasure in manipulating anyone, even their own family, but of course, if you are out of the “situationship” with the narcissist, have emerged from the Narcissistic Fog or maybe even dodged The Love Bombing Stage. You know what I am talking about.
If you don’t, you soon will!
A Narcissist loves the chase, the control they can have over you, every aspect of your life. It even affects your decision-making as well as your memory. Personal space or privacy? That does not exist to the Narcissist, but they will demand it from you, going so far as to lock you out of your own room.
They control who you talk to, isolate you from friends and family. It feels like you are being held prisoner, oftentimes in your own home.
They demand your undivided attention, adoration, and praise. If you are using your phone, taking a call. They want to know who you are talking to. Try to do that to a Narcissist and you will be met with a temper tantrum or silent treatment, another manipulation tactic.
Another common tactic used for manipulation is Gaslighting, which leaves you to question your own reality.
Once you start realizing your worth and the abuse you have encountered, you will understand that what you have gone through was domestic abuse. Begin the process of educating yourself about Narcissistic Abuse Awareness, The Red Flags to look out for, and regain your independence, your sense of self.
This has made you a stronger person, someone who will not be manipulated, used, ridiculed, or taken advantage of. Ever again.
You are an incredible person, deserving of so much better. You matter.
Remember that.
I hope this information has been helpful. Feel free to share it with anyone who might find it informative.
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As you begin the healing process and the narcissistic fog begins to lift, you can now focus on yourself and getting your life back. One of the vital steps you need to take is to go no contact. This might not be easy if you have children together, but some apps can be used as a safer way to communicate.
Block them on social media. You do not need to know what they are doing, and they do not need to know what you are doing. It is no one’s business.
This is part of going no contact.
Now, if you do have to meet with them, using gray rock is best. Be stoic. Give short, emotionless responses. They will seek a reaction from you. Do not give them one.
Stay strong.
The next step is not easy, but necessary. I say this because you may be filled with uncertainty, or maybe thinking they will come back. After what they put you through, do you really want that?
Remove them from your contacts.
Removing their contact information is liberating; you won’t see their name pop up when your phone rings. Instead, ask them to correspond via email and set strict boundaries regarding this.
I hope this information has been helpful. If you plan to leave a toxic situation, please do NOT inform the other party. Please do not hesitate to reach out for help, your close friends, family, even law enforcement your own safety and well being is important.
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It is hard to believe it has been several years since the discard. I never would have imagined being in that situation, ever. But it was a repeated lesson I have finally learned from. In past relationships, I was used and taken advantage of. I had zero boundaries.
I know that a person will show their true self, and it is my fault that I ignored all those red flags; trust me, there were many!
When a person wants to know everything there is to know about you yet reveals little about themselves, be the better person and walk away.
The fast-moving relationship, yeah, ignored that too.
We encounter many life lessons; this one is one of the toughest.
The toxic person in our life gained trust and knew how to manipulate.
They put on a good show.
They love chaos! Purposely start an argument so you get upset. A person who genuinely loves and respects you will not do that; they will work the problem out with you, not walk away.
The narcissist is incapable of love. We love the person we thought they were, but we must remember that the most important person to love is ourselves.
You were always there for them, but were they ever truly there for you?
What you offered them was never enough; they raised the bar higher.
Anything they did for you came with strings attached.
They never appreciate what you do for them. My ex took me for granted, never felt bad about it, no apologies. Just bread crumbs in hopes that the mistreatment would be forgotten.
Before they discard you, they act indifferent, yet want friendship. They only want something from you to continue their twisted game.
Why would you want to be friends with someone like that?
The big lesson: You deserve better! Once you understand all the Red Flags, your gut instinct will never be ignored again.
This was not your fault.
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There are times when you may see them cry, but you never see tears. This I have personally seen firsthand.
They get angry, they laugh, and they have some moments of sadness. Everyone does, crying. This is what is commonly known as crocodile tears. They use it to gain sympathy, a form of manipulation. One of the many tactics used.
I think that after a while, we become indifferent to this behavior.
At least from what I have noticed, they look uncomfortable, a weird expression on their face when others show emotion. They hate seeing their own children cry. Have you encountered this?
It is completely acceptable to express your emotions; doing so does not make you weak. Your feelings are valid. If you are feeling upset, sad, or angry, it’s important to share those feelings with them. However, in the case of a Narcissist, such emotions are often suppressed by their spouse or children, as the Narcissist tends to invalidate these feelings.
If they are upset, they become very quiet, and we find ourselves apologizing.
The abuser’s tears are not genuine; as mentioned, they are a manipulation tactic. This tactic can also be employed during the hoover phase when they offer a fake apology.
I hope that this helped give you a better understanding of this topic.
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Now I know I am not the only one who has experienced this, post discard you find yourself going through a wide range of emotions, all completely normal, by the way
You then find yourself searching the internet with the symptoms you encountered, and what you experienced, then you see the word Narcissism finally a name and all the symptoms appear to fit
YouTube has some valuable information on the subject and although you have gained some greater knowledge on the subject, you still find there is more to learn. After all, you need to know the red flags to watch out for so you don’t repeat the same mistake. It’s a very hard lesson to learn and heal from.
This was not a normal, healthy relationship.
The topic is all over it. You knew something wasn’t right but constantly felt that you were to blame for everything. You did not imagine it.
Narcissistic Abuse is real and now you want to educate yourself on the subject. This information could be helpful to others.
Waking Up To Narcissistic Abuse- Video By: Lisa A Romano
I hope this video helped you understand that this was not your fault. It also gives you a better understanding of what you went through
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A Narcissist is someone who can be very charming and charismatic but also lacks empathy toward people’s feelings and has zero respect for boundaries.
Narcissism is a word often misused. We can mistake it if we are around people who may have the characteristics. We may have those as well but that does not make us a Narcissist. The difference is that while we have empathy. A Narcissist does not.
A Narcissist is only interested in themselves, and what others can do for them. They have a sense of entitlement, a total disregard for other people’s feelings, and no empathy.
A Secret Behind The Smile?
They feed on people’s insecurities and are masters at manipulation, even to the point where you think that you are the problem, but you are not.
They do not feel good about themselves, even if their outward appearance shows otherwise. They try to learn everything about you and your weaknesses to use against you later.
A Narcissist is not capable of love, at least not the love you or I know, or deserve, their love comes at a cost. Always.
Dishonesty and keeping secrets are part of their game, as are different versions of themselves, whether around co-workers, friends, or family.
Below is a video that will hopefully help you gain more insight. I find his content very beneficial.
Video: Dr. Les Carter – A Narcissist’s 3 Selves
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Up From The Ashes 