Tag: HidingBehindTheMask.Narcissism

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Divorcing A Narcissist

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The Games Continue

This doesn’t mean the fight is over when the marriage ends. A Narcissist will do what they can to drag the process and withhold what you are entitled to.

If you are in the early stages of divorce, have decided to file, be sure to find an excellent lawyer, one who understands Narcissism; they will be able to help you and will see through the games. Do not tell the Narcissist that you intend to file!

A Narcissist will be charming, maybe even compliant to you, your lawyer, and even the judge. Their goal is to portray you as someone unreliable and unstable. While they appear innocent.

Complete a separation agreement; if you share children, the lawyer will need their date of birth to determine if they are eligible for child support.

Calculate your expenses, divide whatever property you share, but communicate with your lawyer about what they need from you.

Any communication from your spouse should only go through your attorney. They will speak on your behalf. This will ease some of the anxiety you may be experiencing.

You never imagined going through this, but you will do just fine.

Be strong. You Got This!

Court Battles with the Narcissist

Video Courtesy of: Rebecca Zung

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Vacations With A Narcissist

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Far From Paradise

When we think of vacation, we envision peace, quiet, relaxation, without stress or worry.

But this is far from stress-free when you are on vacation with a Narcissist.

They are always in a hurry, making sure everything is packed, and they want to get to the destination early to avoid traffic. If you are causing them to fall behind schedule, you will hear about it the entire ride there.

They drive to endanger, most times well over the speed limit, to get you and everyone else in the vehicle stressed. If you tell them to slow down, they snap at you, so now the entire ride is nothing but silence.

Once you are on vacation, the Narcissist is nice to you and your children, acting as if they were not yelling and screaming not that long ago.

They are very friendly to the staff where you are staying, as well as to complete strangers.

You feel out of place as they relax on the sand after enjoying the ocean and playtime with the kids. You stayed back with everyone’s belongings and the perfect spot. The Narcissist says very little to you as they fall asleep.

Luckily you brought something to read.

As the vacation progresses, the kids are having fun, but you realize it is getting closer to returning home. Part of you does not want to leave. The ride home will be the same: stressful. But you go about the rest of the time there, having fun with the kids, this time walking ahead of the Narcissist, something they do not like. But they are not making a big deal about it.

Pretty soon, it was time to pack and return home, and the ride home was uneventful.

Right now, you wish you could be back on vacation instead.

This time, without the Narcissist.

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Hiding Behind The Mask

Nothing is as it appears

It is the beginning of the relationship, and everything is going great. You spend time together, and interestingly enough, you share the same interests. What could be more perfect?

It appears to those around you the relationship is moving very fast, but they do not tell you that. This is a form of control, but is misunderstood by you as them to appear loving and caring, far from it!

As the relationship progresses you meet their family and friends and all appears to be going well, aside from the subtle insults disguised as compliments. For those who have experienced this, you totally understand what I mean.

They will comment on how you are dressing, how you act, and your appearance. These are also the things that they seemed to like about you.

The insults become increasingly hurtful and hateful behind closed doors. In front of others, they look playful and are thought to be cute or funny.

Once the mask begins to slip, they can no longer control you and probably already have someone else. They will discard you at the worst possible time, remember, this was the plan all along.

If you decide to leave them, never tell them your plan. They will use whatever leverage they have to guilt you into staying. Get help, go no contact, if you can, and go as far away as possible. Somewhere safe.

They are not sorry, they will never change, and the problem is never addressed, instead, you will be blamed again. They only get worse and so does the abuse.

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When The Fog Lifts

Was it all in my head?

During the relationship, or as I refer to it as the “Situationship” many things happen, the memories are only bits and pieces and not all with a warm fuzzy feeling.

You were emotionally and physically exhausted and your health was suffering, as well as your mood.

You felt alone, isolated, and miserable, constantly jumping through hoops to please them or simply to keep the peace, only that felt like a never-ending battle.

Once you either find the courage and inner strength to leave, or you were discarded. You begin to go through the may stages of grief, because in a sense, it was a death.

You begin to realize how much you allowed yourself to put up with the disrespect, the lies, empty promises, and cheating. The list goes on.

Bit by bit you will find that some memories come back, thankfully, not all at once!

The realization of the mental abuse causes you to feel ashamed, embarrassed, and of course anger, all completely normal reactions.

So much of your life was stolen from you. It’s realized now that it was all a lie.

The other realization was that how you treated people and how you were treated made you, not yourself. The Abuse made you a shell of your former self.

Now you understand, you were manipulated, isolated from your Family, Friends and picked apart by the Narcissist. You felt as if you were walking on eggshells, never knowing what kind of mood you were about to face.

Now, it is time to shift the focus to you, and your mental and physical health. Reconnect with friends and family. Go to counseling, maybe even keep a journal, and start a hobby. All the things you could not do while you were with the Narcissist.

Now go take back your independence!

Below is a video by NarcDaily his videos are very informative and have helped me as well.

The Narcissistic Fog

I hope this post was helpful to you!

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