Tag: The Honeymoon Phase Idealization

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The Healing Journey After Narcissistic Abuse

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Finding Yourself Again

Healing from a breakup is the worst, but healing from a Narcissistic Discard is an entirely different situation.

When you are in a relationship with a kind, caring, loving partner and you break up, yes, you need time to heal. It is painful and sad, but you understand what went wrong as you start to heal and grow from the experience. You learn from it.

A narcissistic or toxic relationship is excruciating once it is over. You gave them so much while receiving little or nothing in return. You are left depleted of energy, emotion, and self.

There is no equal give and take.

Looking back, you find these to be true; they changed who you were as a person, isolated you from your friends, family, and your support system. They might move you away from them. This is so the Narcissist has complete control over you.

Healing takes time; there is no rushing through it. You need to grieve since this feels like a death. Whether it be a relationship or marriage. Each step can often feel like a step back; this is part of the process. Do not give up.

Being with them was a lesson; you were mistreated, devalued, ignored, taken for granted, and ridiculed. You did not know what Narcissistic Abuse was, what the red flags were.

You will slowly begin to understand that what you experienced was toxic, and you will never want to make that same mistake again.

A Narcissist does not feel any remorse for what they did to you, and will never get closure. You will give yourself closure when you understand why this happened.

This hard lesson has made you stronger, and you will begin to notice what red flags to watch for.

Part of the healing process is journaling. A great tool to gain some understanding of what you experienced.

Counselling is also very beneficial. Look for one who specializes in trauma and psychological abuse. Here is a link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

One day, you will find that you no longer look back and wonder what they are doing, who they are with.

It is no longer your problem.

Let us work together to raise awareness about Narcissistic Abuse!

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Tools to Help The Healing Process After A Toxic or Narcissistic Abusive Relationship

A New Beginning

We often feel defeated, lost or confused and definitely angry once the relationship is over.

Now comes the healing process.

Most likely, I will be posting about this often, because it is very important to take care of yourself.

Here are some ideas to help you along the way.

Journaling – Get your thoughts and feelings on paper. You will have up days and down days, and that is completely normal. Writing daily about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions is very therapeutic; it makes you feel better, giving you a greater understanding of what you experienced.

Holding in emotions will only make you feel worse.

Counseling – Talking to a professional, especially one who specializes in Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma, is essential. You want someone who will listen to you and guide you through the steps to healing. You may notice that after the first two sessions, you feel worse; this is a common occurrence, but do not get discouraged. It will get better.

Medication– Speak to your primary care physician, be honest, and tell them how you feel. Ask if a low-dose antidepressant is advised or another alternative to help if you are experiencing anxiety.

Meditation– Look for a quiet, distraction-free, relaxing space.

For those seeking a meditation and relaxation app, Calm is an excellent choice. They offer a trial version.

Self-Care – Focusing on yourself is vital, both mentally and physically. It is not selfish.

Write A Letter to yourself as well as your Ex – A letter to yourself can be a way to forgive yourself for everything you allowed because you didn’t set boundaries. You may have dismissed their behavior, not realizing the impact of toxic relationships, emotional abuse, or narcissism. Remember, you deserve so much better.

Writing a letter to your ex can be a way to express your feelings, including the disrespect and pain you’ve endured from their cowardly treatment. Let the words flow. Once you have finished writing the letters, consider burning them.

Delete photos of the two of you – Looking at them will only cause more pain and give you false hope of them possibly trying to reach out again. If you review those pictures, you’ll likely see the pain behind those eyes and come to realize that you were never happy when you were with them.

Delete and block their number and contact – This will not be easy, but it is necessary as you move forward. Be sure to block them on social media as well.

Reach out to Family and Friends – When you were with the Narcissist, they isolated you from those close to you. It is time to reconnect!

Yoga – This aligns with self-care and can be practiced at home if a yoga studio is not accessible. You can find great sessions on YouTube

Here is one I personally recommend: https://yogawithadriene.com/

Self-Reflect – You are not to blame for what happened, but understanding that they chose you for a reason, they knew you did not have proper boundaries in place, and the knowledge. You may have been a people pleaser, ignored the red flags, or been codependent.

This changes when you are healing, you understand what to watch for, know your worth, and set clear, strict boundaries.

Remember, A toxic individual is broken; it is not your responsibility to fix them.

Walk away, do not look back.

Let Them Go!!

I hope that this post was helpful to you.

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Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

The Endless Game

LoveBombing

You are pursued and showered with attention, maybe even gifts or compliments. It feels like a dream come true. Where has this person been? You are put on a pedestal. The relationship accelerates, but you are, unfazed.

GasLighting

They claim this tactic as a way to question your sanity when reminded of something they either said or promised. “I never said that”, or “You are crazy!” This leaves you completely confused.

DeValue

Everything they were once attracted to, they hate. The way you dress and your appearance, are criticized. Leaving you filled with self-doubt and very low self-esteem. Constantly second-guessing yourself. You wonder what you did wrong, and why they are treating you this way, so you change after apologizing. You notice that you are always tired, and forgetful, the aches and pains that you never had before. This is your body taking a toll on all of the abuse. This is something that you are unaware of at the moment.

Discard

This is the part that I would not wish on anyone. It is the most painful. This was their plan from the beginning, gaining their trust, knowing everything they can about you, so they can use that against you later.

You are blamed for the breakup or left believing you were the problem. It is a cruel, twisted game to them and if you wonder if they feel bad about it, they do not. The end game is to leave you broken. To destroy you. There is a very good chance that they have someone waiting for them.

To those who left the Narcissist, I commend you, it takes a lot of strength.

Hoover

This is simply just their way of trying to gain control over you again. By feeding you lies empty promises. Once you begin the healing process you do not hear from them. They have moved on with the new, or recycled supply. But once you have healed, move on. Set boundaries. Then they show up acting like nothing happened wanting to be with you. But it is not for the reason you think. They do not miss you, they are not sorry and they do not love you, they never did. The only agenda hurt you even more than the last time. Do Not Fall For it!

The cycle begins again.

The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse video by Rebecca Zung

further explains this topic

I hope this video and post helped, please like, share, comment, and subscribe so you never miss future posts

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