Self Reflection
Over the past few weeks, I have done quite a bit of this myself.
Not the “What Ifs” or anything like that. It was the realization of what I allowed to happen. I accepted the mistreatment for 30 years thinking it was normal behavior since I grew up with a Narcissistic Father.
It was abuse, not joking, not love, getting the bare minimum while I gave 100 percent in the relationship.
Love should not hurt, yet the Narcissist does everything they can to cause you to doubt yourself, belittle and isolate you.
Anyone who has experienced the discard knows the pain; it is like nothing you have ever endured.
I never knew how bad things were in our marriage until after they walked away from my life, only to begin a new life with someone else. You are left to pick up the pieces. To clean up the mess and the chaos they left behind.
Everyone around me knew about the manipulation and the mistreatment, except for a few of his friends, but they noticed a change.
Post-discard felt like being in Hell, the endless climb out of the depths of despair, anger, and a wide range of emotions. Sometimes, these feelings creep back, seemingly out of nowhere, while on other days, you feel fine.
The abuse encountered was 100 percent real, no question.
Trusting people again becomes a challenge. It is a big hurdle to jump over; this will take time, so go easy on yourself.
Personally, my expectations now are extremely high. I had to learn the tough lesson that my past relationships and even my marriage were doomed from the start. Because I was misled and used time and time again. I never set clear boundaries which caused many to take advantage and disrespect me or disregard my feelings.
At first, it felt like I wasted my time since the marriage felt one-sided, and they were only interested in what they could get. There is always a hidden agenda with a Narcissist, and no one deserves that kind of disrespect. They treat a complete stranger better than they treat you, which is unusual behavior. As well as a red flag.
We don’t need to be with someone who wants our undivided attention, constant admiration, or when our love is not reciprocated, only questioned.
This lesson did not leave me bitter. I am no longer the person I once was. I am indifferent, not a people pleaser. I have also come to understand, as I am sure you have. The person whom I thought I knew was not real. But the belittling, constant criticizing, that was real.
Once the mask becomes too heavy, it starts to fall apart and shatter. You see them for who they truly are.
I would not wish this experience on anyone, but I did learn from it. It may take a few times before you finally know your worth and realize this was not your fault, that you deserve love far more than what was given.
You will find yourself wondering, “What was I thinking?!”
The positive side, you can and will get through this. You will rise above all the pain and trauma and thrive. Meanwhile, they will be stuck in the toxic cycle.
Believe it or not, they gave you the gift of being independent. You were too strong for them.
Learn from your experiences, educate yourself about Narcissistic Abuse, and share this knowledge with someone who may be going through a similar situation.
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Up From The Ashes 