Tag: What Is Narcissism

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The Changing Narcissist

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The Chameleon

Like the chameleon, a Narcissist is always changing to either fit in with everyone or hide who they really are.

A Narcissist will almost always change their taste in music, what they wear, and how they present themselves in front of others. Especially if it is to gain supply.

The hobbies or interests you have may suddenly also interest them. If you like photography

They will have an interest in it.

Some of the music you enjoy listening to will be played around you because they like it now. Of course, there will be times when they dislike it and will be vocal about it.

After a while, you find that the interests you once had are pushed aside, no longer enjoyable, because you are either being forced to do them or just too tired to do anything, since being with a Narcissist or a toxic person.

They have drained you.

Now you will notice a change. A Covert Narcissist, especially, will start to act indifferently towards you. You spend less and less time together. Yes, you will receive the occasional breadcrumbing to see if you are still interested, which will lead you to believe that everything is fine. it is not. This is part of their playbook.

They are focusing on a new supply. Your replacement. The next phase of the Narcissistic Cycle is always the Discard. The biggest change to their personality you will ever see and never forget. Their true self. The person behind the mask.

Time to shift the focus to you.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Looking ahead, now is a great opportunity to rediscover yourself, focus on your mental and physical health. The person you once were no longer exists.

Mourn what you thought “What could have been,” and know that you have a new start. Freedom.

Start doing what you enjoy. I mention this many times on different posts because it is important.

What have you always wanted to do but were held back by the Narcissist? You can do that now.

Read or listen to a good book. Start a journal whatever you want to do.

One thing I hear a lot about is doing Shadow Work healing and working on yourself. Personally, I enjoy learning about Stoicism

It is also beneficial in the healing process; you may discover tools that work specifically for you.

We need to educate ourselves, as well as others, about Narcissism and the many types to be aware of, not ignoring the signs. A narcissist can only hide behind many masks for so long before they become too burdensome.

We can change for the better, grow, and learn through this painful but necessary life lesson. While a Narcissist will never change for the better, unless they understand something within them is not right, and they get help.

They will only get worse and bitter as the cycle continues.

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Being With A Narcissist Is Exhausting

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Getting Back On Schedule- Post Break-Up

The one thing you feel during the relationship and once it is over is exhaustion. Your body is so used to inadequate sleep that you feel like running on fumes.

You are always tired, either tossing and turning or anxious.

During the relationship with the Narcissist, did you really get a good night’s sleep? More than likely, you didn’t. They either tried talking to you as you were trying to sleep or snored so loud you thought the roof shingles would fly off.

The lack of sleep made you vulnerable to illness, inability to focus on daily tasks, and ultimately affected your mood, something I am sure the Narcissist pointed out to you as well.

Hopefully, this is all behind you now, and you can focus on your health, well-being, and getting quality sleep.

One tool that is well worth the investment is a weighted blanket

These are life-changing and very comforting, as they help with anxiety and overall comfort.

I have one and I love it!

A noise-cancelling sleep mask can help you relax and unwind while you enjoy music, an audiobook, or a Podcast.

Another idea to help you create a calm environment so you will drift off to sleep is an essential oil diffuser

Please do not use this around pets; essential oils are toxic.

I hope this brings you a better understanding of what you are currently experiencing or have previously. You are definitely not alone.

You will get through this!

Please feel free to Like, Share, Follow, and reach out if you have any questions. The link to my email is on my website, along with links to social media

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The Benefits of Journaling

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Part Of The Process Post-Narcissist Discard

If you have never started a journal, now is a great time to start! Journaling doesn’t require much time; it can be done first thing in the morning or before you sleep. There is no specific time to journal, and it is very therapeutic.

If you go to counseling, they may suggest starting a journal.

I have included some suggested links if you are wondering where to start. A good quality, comfortable writing pen is essential; you don’t need anything fancy. The link to the pens I personally use is below.

The same applies to your journal, whether it is hardcover, It can even be a simple notebook.

The point is. It is what you are comfortable with.

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Writing about what you experienced with the Narcissist can bring out a range of emotions that were most likely kept hidden. Sometimes writing about what you endured, and yes, you endured a lot!

With time and reflection, a clearer understanding will emerge. It’s all part of the journey.

Let those feelings out.

When you are done journaling, just be sure to keep it in a safe place!

I know that journaling is not for everyone, and it is okay. There are other tools you can use in the healing process, maybe a new hobby or interest that you put aside when you were with the Narcissist?

I hope this post was helpful to you in some way. Please, like, share, comment, and follow me on social media to stay updated, so you never miss future content!

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The Sneaky Way a Narcissist Tries to Control You

Can We Be Friends?

The one question you thought you would never be asked by your ex, but here it is: “Can we be friends”? This is the person who tried to destroy you, mentally and physically. Treated you as if you meant nothing to them. Now they want to be friends?

Let us be honest, do you believe this is genuine?

This is just their way of continuing to control you, manipulate you. See if you will take them back. This is someone you want nothing to do with.

You don’t need them; if anything, they need you. It is only for supply.

If you are worried about being alone, you already were when you and the Narcissist were together. They were never there for you.

They are with their new or recycled supply, perhaps even married to them, and they claim to be happy. Are they trying to convince you, or themselves?

Besides, you are moving forward, taking care of yourself, and shifting the focus to what you want to do. You have a newfound freedom and a clear understanding of what you experienced when you were with the Narcissist.

I hope this helped you in some way. If you are going through this right now, you are stronger because of what you experienced. You will be okay.

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Vacations With A Narcissist

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Far From Paradise

When we think of vacation, we envision peace, quiet, relaxation, without stress or worry.

But this is far from stress-free when you are on vacation with a Narcissist.

They are always in a hurry, making sure everything is packed, and they want to get to the destination early to avoid traffic. If you are causing them to fall behind schedule, you will hear about it the entire ride there.

They drive to endanger, most times well over the speed limit, to get you and everyone else in the vehicle stressed. If you tell them to slow down, they snap at you, so now the entire ride is nothing but silence.

Once you are on vacation, the Narcissist is nice to you and your children, acting as if they were not yelling and screaming not that long ago.

They are very friendly to the staff where you are staying, as well as to complete strangers.

You feel out of place as they relax on the sand after enjoying the ocean and playtime with the kids. You stayed back with everyone’s belongings and the perfect spot. The Narcissist says very little to you as they fall asleep.

Luckily you brought something to read.

As the vacation progresses, the kids are having fun, but you realize it is getting closer to returning home. Part of you does not want to leave. The ride home will be the same: stressful. But you go about the rest of the time there, having fun with the kids, this time walking ahead of the Narcissist, something they do not like. But they are not making a big deal about it.

Pretty soon, it was time to pack and return home, and the ride home was uneventful.

Right now, you wish you could be back on vacation instead.

This time, without the Narcissist.

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One Side Effect that you notice post-Narcissist Discard

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How A Narcissist Affects Your Health

There are many symptoms you may or may not notice during a toxic relationship or marriage to a Narcissist.

Until the relationship finally ends.


The dismissive behavior, where they use those subtle jabs, is usually present throughout the relationship. Sleep disturbances and lack of sleep occur when they either talk to you, say something to upset you, or start a fight, knowing it will bother you. They will, of course, expect sex. While offering no apology.

Anxiety and Depression, this happens when you are constantly trying to make them happy, keep the peace, while you’re thoughts and feelings are being dismissed or ignored. Feeling like you are always walking on eggshells.

Accusations of your unfaithfulness, which are actually confessions. Causing you to defend yourself, as it lowers your self-esteem.

The Narcissist hates when you are sick or when your children are. The narcissist dislikes it when you or your children are not feeling well, as this requires effort from them; they do not show compassion or care. This behavior is off-putting.

I remember when they were not feeling well, dropping everything to tend to their needs. Even taking them to the hospital. But when I had surgery or a sick child in the hospital, did you think they stayed?

You experienced unexplained aches, pains, and exhaustion. This is a noticeable side effect that gradually diminishes as you heal after the end of the relationship.

Once the toxic person is removed from your life, you start to feel better and gain clarity on everything you experienced. Regaining your strength, self-worth, and confidence is a gradual process that helps eliminate self-doubt. It takes time to rebuild your strength, self-worth, and confidence while removing self-doubt.

You never look at them the same way ever again. It was you who had the caring, compassionate understanding, the love. This, you now realize, was never given to you in return.

They just watched as you slowly fell apart.

What they offered may have seemed significant because we believed the love they showed was real. We now know the truth. The most powerful gift of all was the awakening to your own worth—the undeniable truth that you are deserving of far more than they could ever provide. You gave them something they could never reciprocate. Genuine love.

I hope this post helps you gain more clarity.

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Traits Of A Female Narcissist

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The Red Flags

A Female Narcissist lacks empathy, much like a Male Narcissist. They are entitled and accusatory as well as manipulative, once they know they have you. The destruction begins, and it can start off subtly. Pretty soon, you lose your sense of self.

The Female Narcissist could be a boss, co-worker, or family member.

The traits are similar to a Male Narcissist. They crave attention, seeking validation, blame shifting, and admiration.

They are competitive, especially with other females. They are highly critical, just never be critical of them!

They do not take responsibility for their actions, have a victim mentality, seeking sympathy, and use people to get what they want, which can also include sex.

Below is a very detailed look and a better understanding of The Female Narcissist

What You Need To Look For:

Video Courtesy of : Richard Grannon

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Tools to Help The Healing Process After A Toxic or Narcissistic Abusive Relationship

A New Beginning

We often feel defeated, lost or confused and definitely angry once the relationship is over.

Now comes the healing process.

Most likely, I will be posting about this often, because it is very important to take care of yourself.

Here are some ideas to help you along the way.

Journaling – Get your thoughts and feelings on paper. You will have up days and down days, and that is completely normal. Writing daily about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions is very therapeutic; it makes you feel better, giving you a greater understanding of what you experienced.

Holding in emotions will only make you feel worse.

Counseling – Talking to a professional, especially one who specializes in Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma, is essential. You want someone who will listen to you and guide you through the steps to healing. You may notice that after the first two sessions, you feel worse; this is a common occurrence, but do not get discouraged. It will get better.

Medication– Speak to your primary care physician, be honest, and tell them how you feel. Ask if a low-dose antidepressant is advised or another alternative to help if you are experiencing anxiety.

Meditation– Look for a quiet, distraction-free, relaxing space.

For those seeking a meditation and relaxation app, Calm is an excellent choice. They offer a trial version.

Self-Care – Focusing on yourself is vital, both mentally and physically. It is not selfish.

Write A Letter to yourself as well as your Ex – A letter to yourself can be a way to forgive yourself for everything you allowed because you didn’t set boundaries. You may have dismissed their behavior, not realizing the impact of toxic relationships, emotional abuse, or narcissism. Remember, you deserve so much better.

Writing a letter to your ex can be a way to express your feelings, including the disrespect and pain you’ve endured from their cowardly treatment. Let the words flow. Once you have finished writing the letters, consider burning them.

Delete photos of the two of you – Looking at them will only cause more pain and give you false hope of them possibly trying to reach out again. If you review those pictures, you’ll likely see the pain behind those eyes and come to realize that you were never happy when you were with them.

Delete and block their number and contact – This will not be easy, but it is necessary as you move forward. Be sure to block them on social media as well.

Reach out to Family and Friends – When you were with the Narcissist, they isolated you from those close to you. It is time to reconnect!

Yoga – This aligns with self-care and can be practiced at home if a yoga studio is not accessible. You can find great sessions on YouTube

Here is one I personally recommend: https://yogawithadriene.com/

Self-Reflect – You are not to blame for what happened, but understanding that they chose you for a reason, they knew you did not have proper boundaries in place, and the knowledge. You may have been a people pleaser, ignored the red flags, or been codependent.

This changes when you are healing, you understand what to watch for, know your worth, and set clear, strict boundaries.

Remember, A toxic individual is broken; it is not your responsibility to fix them.

Walk away, do not look back.

Let Them Go!!

I hope that this post was helpful to you.

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Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse No Contact -vs- Gray Rock

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Get Your Life Back!

As you begin the healing process and the narcissistic fog begins to lift, you can now focus on yourself and getting your life back. One of the vital steps you need to take is to go no contact. This might not be easy if you have children together, but some apps can be used as a safer way to communicate.

Block them on social media. You do not need to know what they are doing, and they do not need to know what you are doing. It is no one’s business.

This is part of going no contact.

Now, if you do have to meet with them, using gray rock is best. Be stoic. Give short, emotionless responses. They will seek a reaction from you. Do not give them one.

Stay strong.

The next step is not easy, but necessary. I say this because you may be filled with uncertainty, or maybe thinking they will come back. After what they put you through, do you really want that?

Remove them from your contacts.

Removing their contact information is liberating; you won’t see their name pop up when your phone rings. Instead, ask them to correspond via email and set strict boundaries regarding this.

I hope this information has been helpful. If you plan to leave a toxic situation, please do NOT inform the other party. Please do not hesitate to reach out for help, your close friends, family, even law enforcement your own safety and well being is important.

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Does A Narcissist Show Emotion?

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Crocodile Tears

There are times when you may see them cry, but you never see tears. This I have personally seen firsthand.

They get angry, they laugh, and they have some moments of sadness. Everyone does, crying. This is what is commonly known as crocodile tears. They use it to gain sympathy, a form of manipulation. One of the many tactics used.

I think that after a while, we become indifferent to this behavior.

At least from what I have noticed, they look uncomfortable, a weird expression on their face when others show emotion. They hate seeing their own children cry. Have you encountered this?

It is completely acceptable to express your emotions; doing so does not make you weak. Your feelings are valid. If you are feeling upset, sad, or angry, it’s important to share those feelings with them. However, in the case of a Narcissist, such emotions are often suppressed by their spouse or children, as the Narcissist tends to invalidate these feelings.

If they are upset, they become very quiet, and we find ourselves apologizing.

The abuser’s tears are not genuine; as mentioned, they are a manipulation tactic. This tactic can also be employed during the hoover phase when they offer a fake apology.

I hope that this helped give you a better understanding of this topic.

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