Category: Narcissism

Deep dives, resources, and validation for surviving narcissistic abuse, recognizing toxic relationship patterns, and reclaiming your life.

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When Two Narcissists Marry

statue of skeleton newlyweds with bouquet of red flowers
Current image: statue of skeleton newlyweds with bouquet of red flowers

It sounds like the setup to a psychological thriller: what happens when two deeply self-absorbed, manipulative people fall in love and say “I do”?

Most people assume a relationship requires at least one empathetic partner to survive—someone to give, to sacrifice, and to smooth things over. But when two narcissists marry, the standard rules of a toxic relationship go completely out the window. It isn’t a partnership; it’s a quiet war for total control, hidden behind a perfectly manicured front door.

The “Perfect” Illusion: The Honeymoon Phase

When two narcissists first find each other, it doesn’t start with a fight—it starts with an explosion of mutual adoration. They look at each other and don’t see a human being; they see a mirror that reflects back exactly how elite, beautiful, or successful they want to be perceived. This is love bombing on a massive scale.

They will show each other off like trophies, posting a flood of picture-perfect updates on social media. To the outside world, they look like the ultimate power couple. But this phase is incredibly short-lived. Because a narcissist ultimately needs total submission from a partner, a marriage between two of them quickly shifts from a fairy tale into an intense, unspoken power struggle. The honeymoon ends the moment one expects the other to compromise.

Neither wants to bend to the other.

The Split Domain: Dividing the Kingdom

Because two narcissists cannot occupy the exact same spotlight without a massive explosion, a surviving marriage usually requires a tactical division of territory. They will subconsciously partition their lives so they can both remain “rulers” of their own separate kingdoms.

For example, one spouse might take total, unquestioned control over the finances and career status, while the other demands absolute authority over the household, social calendar, or parenting decisions. As long as they stay in their own lanes and continue to make the couple look elite to the outside world, a tense truce can last for years. But this isn’t peace—it’s a cold war. The absolute second one partner tries to offer feedback or cross into the other’s “domain,” the truce shatters, and the relationship devolves into bitter sabotage.

The Mirror of Betrayal: Infidelity and Projection

Because a marriage between two narcissists is completely void of real emotional intimacy, it almost inevitably leads to a cycle of betrayal. Infidelity is rampant in these dynamics. However, unlike a traditional relationship where cheating causes a devastating heartbreak, in a dual-narcissist marriage, it becomes a weaponized game of leverage.

They use affairs to soothe their fragile egos outside the home, but behind closed doors, they use suspicion as a tool for control. This creates a toxic hall of mirrors: both partners are often guilty of the exact same betrayals, yet they will aggressively accuse, gaslight, and project their own actions onto the other. No one ever apologizes, because an apology means losing power, admitting fault to them is a sign of weakness. Instead, the marriage becomes an endless cycle of keeping score, waiting for the next opportunity to use the other person’s faults as ammunition.

If you are navigating through the healing phase, post toxic relationship. You are not alone in this journey. Join my community for weekly recovery insights and helpful topics.

The Double Discard: A Race to the Exit

In a typical narcissistic relationship, the discard is a one-sided, devastating blow. But when two narcissists marry, the discard phase becomes a high-stakes race. Because their entire identity is built on winning and maintaining an illusion of superiority, neither partner can bear the narcissistic injury of being “dumped.”

As the marriage deteriorates, both partners will secretly begin preparing for the final blow at the same time. They will quietly line up new sources of attention (supply), move money, and manufacture a narrative to make themselves look like the ultimate victim or the undisputed victor.

When the drop finally happens, it is often a “double discard.” They will simultaneously try to lock each other out of accounts, expose each other’s secrets to friends and family, and rush to file for divorce first just to control the headline. It is a scorched-earth ending where both individuals completely erase the other, utterly indifferent to the years they spent together, leaving nothing but destruction in their wake.

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The Red Flags We Often Ignore

Person holding a red flag on a windy beach near rough ocean waves under cloudy sky

Why We Miss The Signs

*Note: This post may contain trigger warnings.*

Red Flags are often associated as warnings; we see them at beaches to alert us about rip currents, hurricanes, and we see them at construction sites.

But why are Red Flags in relationships so often ignored until it’s too late? Why do we only realize afterward that it was a warning- your gut instinct screaming at you to pay attention, a bright flashing beacon, that light tap on your shoulder telling you. “This is not a good idea”

Why did we ignore the warnings? Because we believed the stories they were telling us, and the promises they made that they loved us and would protect us and never leave.

The Hidden Agenda

Let’s go back to the beginning of the relationship. Getting to know each other, they asked so many questions, and seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say, but they were very selective about what they shared with you. The sob stories about their childhood garnered your attention.

This was just the beginning.

Gaining Your Trust

Little by little, they seemed to care about what you had to say. What you were willing to share was encouraged, but this would eventually be used against you later. They were slowly, methodically, trying to figure out where your vulnerabilities were.

This would be considered a Red Flag.

During the relationship losing our way because we thought it was what love was supposed to be,  learning later that it wasn’t cuts deep.

A Tough Lesson

This may not seem believable right now, but you will get through this. It is a lesson that you were given as an opportunity to learn your worth. What you will and will not accept in a partner.

You were giving to a taker, not an equal. To the Narcissist, you were fuel, an ego boost, and eventually- if you let them-a placeholder.

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness was never taught to us in school or by our parents. , trusting and letting our guard down was a mistake, but not everyone has a kind heart. These are things we learn afterward during the healing process.

You are not foolish or stupid. You are kind, caring, loving – something that the toxic person will never be.

They were envious of all that you were and deep down wanted you miserable.  They knew you were too strong, powerful and resilient and no one can take that from you. When they realize this and the fact that they can no longer control you. The Discard is the final move in their twisted mind game.

To help make sense of the confusion and start reclaiming your power, I highly recommend taking a few minutes to watch this video by Dr. Ramani:

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs Narcissism – The Key Differences

Narcissism vs Narcissistic Personality Disorder illustration on a sunrise background.

Understanding The Differences and Common Misconceptions

Is it just a big ego, or is it something much darker? Lately, the term ‘narcissism’ has become a popular label for any bad behavior. But understanding the real line between standard selfishness and narcissism vs narcissistic personality disorder isn’t just about labels—it’s the key to getting your life back.

The Main Difference: Which One is Diagnosed? (Or Often Misdiagnosed)?

To understand the difference, it helps to look at how these two things are defined in the real world.

  • Narcissism is a personality trait that we all have to some degree. Someone can be self-absorbed, boastful, or inconsiderate, but it isn’t a medical condition. It’s just a difficult behavioral pattern.
  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), on the other hand, is an official clinical diagnosis. It is a rigid, deeply ingrained psychological condition that affects every single area of a person’s life.

The Reality of Misdiagnosis

Here is the catch: because narcissism is a spectrum, true NPD is frequently misdiagnosed or completely missed.

1. The Narcissist in Therapy:

Someone with NPD will rarely admit they are the problem. If they do go to therapy, it’s usually to treat a side effect like depression, burnout, or substance use. Because they are highly skilled at hiding their manipulative behaviors from a professional, they are often misdiagnosed with things like Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, or standard depression, leaving their destructive patterns unaddressed.

2. The Survivor’s Diagnosis:

Often, it’s the partner of the narcissist who ends up in therapy, struggling with severe anxiety, hypervigilance, and exhaustion. Unfortunately, survivors are sometimes treated for general anxiety without the therapist realizing their symptoms are a direct, normal reaction to ongoing psychological abuse.

How to Spot the Differences in Daily Life

When you are trying to tell the difference between standard self-centeredness and clinical NPD, don’t look at how they act when things are going well. Look at how they handle conflicts and boundaries:

  • The Apology Test: A person with narcissistic traits might get defensive at first, but they can self-reflect. If you tell them they hurt you, they can feel genuine guilt and say, “I’m sorry, I messed up.” Someone with NPD cannot self-reflect. If you confront them, they will twist it, blame you, or give you a classic non-apology like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” An all too familiar response. In fact, simply asking for a real apology is often a direct trigger for what angers the narcissist because it threatens their fragile ego.
  • The Empathy Test: An everyday narcissist might be selfish, but if a true tragedy happens to you, they can step outside themselves and offer real comfort. Someone with NPD lacks genuine empathy. If you are hurting, they will often make it about themselves or get annoyed that your attention is diverted.
  • The Ability to Change: Because people with narcissistic traits can self-reflect, they can consciously change their behavior to save a relationship. Someone with NPD has a fixed psychological pattern. They will not change, because in their mind, they are never the problem.

Giving Yourself Permission to Move Forward

Understanding these differences isn’t about handing out medical labels—it’s about protecting your own peace. If you are dealing with someone who has narcissistic traits, communication might be tough, but because they can self-reflect, there is actually room for accountability.

But if you are dealing with someone with NPD, you have to stop waiting for them to “see the light.” They won’t change and only get worse. They don’t see the problem. This is when the blame shifting comes into play. Recognizing this is the key to letting go of the guilt, setting hard boundaries, and finally getting your life back.

Dr. Ramani explains the core differences beautifully in the video below, sharing a powerful metaphor for what it feels like to be close to this dynamic:

NPD is the secondhand smoke of psychiatry*.** Narcissism is the secondhand smoke of our time**—if** you get close enough, you will get sick.

If you are watching this video and realizing that the person in your life doesn’t just have a big ego, but is actually operating from a fixed, destructive pattern, please know this: You are not crazy, and you are not alone.

Recognizing the truth is the first step up from the ashes and towards healing.

  • What about you? Or has their response ever been a dismissive, “I’m sorry you feel that way?” Let me know in the comments below, and don’t forget to share this post with someone who might need to hear this truth today.
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Get Your Life Back: Navigating the Toxic Relationship Recovery Process

Healing from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships
Photo by Alimurat Üral on Pexels.com

There Will Be Good Days and Bad Days

When you begin the process to get your life back on track, it can be incredibly challenging at times.

There will be days when the weight feels too heavy, and you want to stay in bed. But then, there will be days when you wake up feeling fierce, focused, and completely ready to take on the world.

Getting used to these massive changes might feel completely overwhelming at first, but I promise you that heavy feeling doesn’t last forever. You have been through an incredible amount of pain, and there is absolutely no dismissing that trauma. But that pain also gives you a greater opportunity – a clean slate to finally make the changes that you want, on your own terms, and build a life that belongs entirely to you.

The Toxic Situation

When looking back at the toxic situation, you have to ask yourself a hard but necessary question: Did you truly learn from this experience, or will history repeat itself?

The cycle often continues until we learn to take accountability – not for the abuser’s actions, but for our own boundaries. When we take responsibility for our healing and recognize why we stayed or what red flags we ignored, we take the power completely out of the toxic person’s hands and ensure history never repeats itself.

It Does Get Better

With each passing day and every painful realization you process, you will gain more and more clarity. Remember, a toxic person doesn’t have to be a romantic partner or a spouse; they can be a boss, a coworker, a family member, or a friend. The truth is, everyone has narcissistic tendencies from time to time, but healthy people are empathetic to them, self-reflect, and take accountability for their behavior.

A truly toxic person will not do that. They will never change, which is why it can be incredibly beneficial to cut ties completely. As you remove that chaos from your life, the fog will lift, and your fresh start will truly begin.

Toxic People and Relationships Change You

The truth is, you are not the same person anymore. You have changed, but you have evolved into someone who is more self- aware, resilient, and stronger than ever before. For a long time, we were led to believe that our feelings and our thoughts had no merit. We were routinely dismissed, silenced, and ignored by someone who wanted to keep us small.

Now, as the fog clears and things begin to come into sharp focus, we can finally label the mistreatment for what it truly was: emotional abuse. We see it clearly now as a classic narcissistic red flag, and we are learning that this behavior was entirely unacceptable.

This is a continuous learning process. It takes time to recognize these behaviors and understand what is and isn’t worth your precious energy or engagement. There is no more second-guessing yourself. It is time to trust yourself, trust your instincts, and believe your own reality.

To help you process these changes and continue moving forward, I highly recommend this short guide by Dr. Ramani.

Break Free: Essential Steps to Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse- Dr.Ramani

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The Best Gift The Narcissist Gave You

Man and Woman holding masks, hiding gifts behind them

Gifts That Come At A Cost

: This post may contain trigger warnings:

Gifts are typically given for special occasions or “just because.” We appreciate the gesture, the meaning, the thought, and the special care behind them.

Oftentimes, however, the gifts you give get ignored or cast aside – especially when they come from the heart or are handmade. You put substantial thought and care into creating something, but it goes unappreciated. This is a calculated move designed to hurt you.

“What broke you also revealed you to yourself.”

The Hidden Lessons In The Pain

When you are deep in the fog of a toxic relationship, it’s hard to see the lessons hidden within the pain.

With a narcissist, however,  they don’t see it as love or being thoughtful. They think you have a hidden agenda when it is actually them who hold one.

A gift from a Narcissist has strings attached; they want something from you, whether it be sex, high praise, validation, or status.

It is a form of Narcissistic Abuse. They purposely leave a price tag on a present or give you something that they actually want. Sometimes this can backfire, and you end up truly liking the item, which often confuses them.

To them, affection is a transaction. They demand monetary evidence of your love, yet they lack the capacity for genuine gratitude. Your generosity is never seen as a gesture of kindness, but merely as a tool to fuel their need for external validation and status.

When empathy is absent, a gift becomes a calculation. They view your offerings through the narrow lens of status and monetary gain, using them as a temporary ego boost. This shallow perspective is exactly why their ‘gifts’ always feel so empty—and why the true gift is actually your eventual exit from their world.

Read more: The Best Gift The Narcissist Gave You

Your Freedom Is The Ultimate Gift

Honestly, the best gift they can give you is your freedom, your peace, and the return of your sanity. This is regained either by the Narcissistic Discard or by you choosing to leave and block contact, including social media.

Never tell them, or anyone, what you are doing, unless it is someone you trust completely.

In the beginning, you were blindsided, and the gifts were part of love bombing and manipulation—a form of control.

If you are currently in the post-discard phase or have walked away, remember this: it wasn’t you; they realized you were too strong and could no longer be controlled.

This is when you begin to understand that you were the one who loved them for who they were, or you thought they were.

Something they never experienced and never will again. The gift you gave was unconditional, something that can’t be replaced or replicated. You gave it to the wrong person.

Reclaiming Your Worth

Their gift to you was learning what you will and will not tolerate in your life or in a future partner.

You are worthy of so much more. They were never willing to give you what you truly deserved.

To help make sense of these confusing dynamics, watch this insightful breakdown on what a narcissist’s gifts actually mean, and how to protect your peace.

What Narcissists’ Gifts Actually Mean – The Royal We

I hope this post helped! Please leave a comment, follow me on social media, like or share this post to help spread the message of healing.

You are not alone.

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Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Through Spirituality

A peaceful person meditating, representing spiritual healing and recovery after narcissistic abuse.

Restoring The Soul After Narcissistic Abuse

This process takes time. As you navigate the complex, heavy emotions of trauma recovery, it is vital to give yourself grace and patience.

During this journey, you may find that your old hobbies, interests, and passions begin to return—or shift entirely. One of the most profound changes often happens within your spiritual beliefs. Finding comfort in a new practice isn’t bad or scary; it is a beautiful sign of personal renewal. Discovering these new paths can ultimately bring you a sense of peace, belonging, and a deeper understanding of your own worth.

Navigating Through The Trauma Of Narcissistic Abuse

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a slow process. Because you experienced profound trauma, recovery involves safely processing your experiences and accepting accountability for the times you may have ignored your own red flags, wants, and needs.

This toxic behavior drastically affects your mental health. Enduring Gaslighting causes you to doubt your self-worth, chips away at your freedom of expression, and leaves you with low self-esteem.

As you slowly step out of the survival mode of fight-or-flight, you can begin to work through these core challenges:

  • Accepting Accountability: Processing why you ignored certain relationship red flags or dismissed your own boundaries.
  • Overcoming Psychological Control: Unraveling the manipulation that caused you to doubt your self-worth and freedom of expression.
  • Clearing the Brain Fog: Slowly emerging from the mental exhaustion caused by constant survival mode and gaining true clarity.

Reclaiming Your Self-Esteem Through Spirituality

As your self-esteem begins to return, your focus naturally shifts back to your health and well-being. This is often the exact moment many survivors notice they are drawn to spiritualism. The rigid or old beliefs you held before may look completely different now—and that is a beautiful part of rebuilding your life from the ashes.

I highly recommend watching this thought-provoking and insightful video by Dr. Les Carter from Surviving Narcissism. His questions really make you think, helping you reclaim your power and heal the deeper damage left behind by toxic relationships.

Healing From The Damage Caused By A Narcissist – Dr. Les Carter

Join the Conversation

Has your spiritual journey helped you find clarity after narcissistic abuse? Please leave a comment below to share your experiences, pass this post along to someone who needs it, and follow me on social media so you stay updated on future content. Let’s rebuild together!

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Grief

Reflective woman in a green sweater sitting by a rainy cafe window with a coffee mug and notebook.
Reflective woman in a green sweater sitting by a rainy cafe window with a coffee mug and notebook.


Mourning What You Thought Was Real

We often associate grief with death. But death isn’t the only kind of loss that can shatter us. The end of a relationship, a marriage especially one you believed was rooted in love, can be just as devastating—sometimes even more so. It’s not just the person you’re grieving; it’s the dreams, the plans, and the version of yourself you thought you were when you were with them.

How Does A Narcissist Process Grief?


Does the narcissist grieve the loss the way you do?
The painful truth is that, for a narcissist, grief doesn’t look the same. While you are mourning the loss of the connection, the shared memories, and the future you envisioned, they are more often mourning the loss of control, supply, and validation. They grieve the loss of what you provided for their ego, not the loss of you as a person.
This doesn’t mean they never feel anything at all. It means their experience of grief is often self-focused: they may grieve being alone, losing admiration, or no longer having someone to blame, manipulate, or lean on emotionally. What they don’t feel is the deep, soul-level grief that comes from truly loving and losing someone.


For a deeper understanding of the psychology behind this behavior, watch clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani explain whether a narcissist truly experiences loss.

For more of her videos you can find them here https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani
For more on how a narcissist tries to regain control when you pull away, read my post “The Sneaky Way a Narcissist Tries to Control You.”


When the Narcissist Discards You


When you endure the Narcissist Discard it is devastating; you may feel like your entire world has collapsed. The person you loved—the one you believed saw you, understood you, and cared for you—seems to move on as if you never existed. They might flaunt a new relationship, rewrite the story to make you the villain, or act like your pain is an overreaction.


If you find yourself grieving the relationship or the person you thought they were, know this: you’re not just grieving them. You are grieving the version of yourself that you were when you were with them. You are grieving the love you gave so freely, the effort you poured into trying to make it work, and the hope that someday they might finally see your worth and change.


Some days, you might find yourself replaying every moment—wondering what was real and what was a lie. You may question your own judgment, your value, and your ability regain trust.


As you move through the stages of grief—denial, anger, depression, and acceptance—you’ll begin to see something you couldn’t see in the fog of it all: you weren’t unlovable; you were simply loving someone who could not love you in the way you deserved. You weren’t too sensitive; you were reacting to being emotionally neglected, invalidated, or abused.


Your grief is valid. Your pain is real. And your healing is possible.


If this article resonated with you or helped you make sense of your experience, please leave a comment below—sharing your story can help others realize they aren’t alone.

Don’t forget to like and share this post, and connect with me on social media for future content on healing and moving forward.

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What Angers the Narcissist?

Are They Jealous?

Understanding what angers the narcissist starts with recognizing how easily they are bothered by the most minute things. Their sudden shifts can appear completely out of nowhere, and their moods often mimic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

They Always Want To Be Right

They think they are superior to everyone else, so they absolutely hate when someone corrects them, receiving constructive criticism, or being proven wrong—especially by a higher authority.

Competitive? Definitely! They hate to lose!

A narcissist is like a child who wants all the toys. When they get something new, they immediately use it as an opportunity to brag—something they love to do a lot.

They hate when people are late

When it comes to waiting for someone, they expect that person to be on time. When they expect company at a certain time, they better be there. Sitting around and staring at their watch is not something they like to do. This just makes them angry.

A Danger Behind The Wheel

You will quickly notice severe road rage whenever they get behind the wheel, which can be incredibly scary to witness. If a person in front of them is driving too slow, they will quickly switch through lanes of traffic, with barely any regard for you or the drivers around them.

A Lack of Empathy

They hate it when you or your children get sick because it forces them to take on the responsibility of caretaking, pulling the spotlight completely away from them. Early in the relationship, they might have seemed more than willing to help you. But over time, the mask slipped, and you became a ‘burden’ in their eyes—leaving you to figure things out and do it yourself just to keep the peace.

Personal Achievements

If you or your children achieve a major accomplishment, it triggers their deep envy. Instead of being proud, a narcissist will actively belittle your success to upset you and minimize your growth. They don’t just envy you; they are fiercely envious of their own children. Anytime you don’t pay attention to them, they react with anger because the emphasis must always be on them. They thrive entirely on constant attention, adoration, and validation. When they are not the sole focus, rage is inevitable.

Control and the Cost of Asking for Help

A narcissist will get incredibly angry if you leave them alone or ask them for basic help—even to fix something small. You will immediately face a wall of excuses or a full-blown tantrum. Yet, at the same time, they deliberately work to make you entirely dependent on them. My motto back then quickly became: if you want something done, figure it out and do it yourself.

Nothing matches what angers the narcissist quite like being exposed or told “No.” When you begin to set clear boundaries or go No Contact, their mask completely drops because they despise being discovered.

If you move on and find genuine happiness, it drives them mad because they realize they can no longer offer you the bare minimum while expecting the world in return.

Their irrational behavior naturally makes you anxious. It leaves you feeling like you are constantly walking on eggshells just to keep the peace. Their anger issues only get worse with age, along with their sense of entitlement and delusion. 

More about this topic in a previous post: The Aging Narcissist

If you are experiencing this right now, please know this: You are not asking for too much; they are just offering you too little. Please do not blame yourself.

If you are currently in a dangerous or abusive situation, please seek immediate assistance by contacting your local police or a domestic violence hotline.

To better understand what angers the narcissist, it helps to look closely at the root of their rage. This helpful resource from Surviving Narcissism explains how narcissistic traits translate into explosive anger when a person sets boundaries or challenges their superiority.

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The Changing Narcissist

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The Chameleon

Like the chameleon, a Narcissist is always changing to either fit in with everyone or hide who they really are.

A Narcissist will almost always change their taste in music, what they wear, and how they present themselves in front of others. Especially if it is to gain supply.

The hobbies or interests you have may suddenly also interest them. If you like photography

They will have an interest in it.

Some of the music you enjoy listening to will be played around you because they like it now. Of course, there will be times when they dislike it and will be vocal about it.

After a while, you find that the interests you once had are pushed aside, no longer enjoyable, because you are either being forced to do them or just too tired to do anything, since being with a Narcissist or a toxic person.

They have drained you.

Now you will notice a change. A Covert Narcissist, especially, will start to act indifferently towards you. You spend less and less time together. Yes, you will receive the occasional breadcrumbing to see if you are still interested, which will lead you to believe that everything is fine. it is not. This is part of their playbook.

They are focusing on a new supply. Your replacement. The next phase of the Narcissistic Cycle is always the Discard. The biggest change to their personality you will ever see and never forget. Their true self. The person behind the mask.

Time to shift the focus to you.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Looking ahead, now is a great opportunity to rediscover yourself, focus on your mental and physical health. The person you once were no longer exists.

Mourn what you thought “What could have been,” and know that you have a new start. Freedom.

Start doing what you enjoy. I mention this many times on different posts because it is important.

What have you always wanted to do but were held back by the Narcissist? You can do that now.

Read or listen to a good book. Start a journal whatever you want to do.

One thing I hear a lot about is doing Shadow Work healing and working on yourself. Personally, I enjoy learning about Stoicism

It is also beneficial in the healing process; you may discover tools that work specifically for you.

We need to educate ourselves, as well as others, about Narcissism and the many types to be aware of, not ignoring the signs. A narcissist can only hide behind many masks for so long before they become too burdensome.

We can change for the better, grow, and learn through this painful but necessary life lesson. While a Narcissist will never change for the better, unless they understand something within them is not right, and they get help.

They will only get worse and bitter as the cycle continues.

Please Feel Free to comment, like, follow, and share this if you found this helpful.

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What Happens After Narcissistic Abuse

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Self Reflection

Over the past few weeks, I have done quite a bit of this myself.

Not the “What Ifs” or anything like that. It was the realization of what I allowed to happen. I accepted the mistreatment for 30 years thinking it was normal behavior since I grew up with a Narcissistic Father.

It was abuse, not joking, not love, getting the bare minimum while I gave 100 percent in the relationship.

Love should not hurt, yet the Narcissist does everything they can to cause you to doubt yourself, belittle and isolate you.

Anyone who has experienced the discard knows the pain; it is like nothing you have ever endured.

I never knew how bad things were in our marriage until after they walked away from my life, only to begin a new life with someone else. You are left to pick up the pieces. To clean up the mess and the chaos they left behind.

Everyone around me knew about the manipulation and the mistreatment, except for a few of his friends, but they noticed a change.

Post-discard felt like being in Hell, the endless climb out of the depths of despair, anger, and a wide range of emotions. Sometimes, these feelings creep back, seemingly out of nowhere, while on other days, you feel fine.

The abuse encountered was 100 percent real, no question.

Trusting people again becomes a challenge. It is a big hurdle to jump over; this will take time, so go easy on yourself.

Personally, my expectations now are extremely high. I had to learn the tough lesson that my past relationships and even my marriage were doomed from the start. Because I was misled and used time and time again. I never set clear boundaries which caused many to take advantage and disrespect me or disregard my feelings.

At first, it felt like I wasted my time since the marriage felt one-sided, and they were only interested in what they could get. There is always a hidden agenda with a Narcissist, and no one deserves that kind of disrespect. They treat a complete stranger better than they treat you, which is unusual behavior. As well as a red flag.

We don’t need to be with someone who wants our undivided attention, constant admiration, or when our love is not reciprocated, only questioned.

This lesson did not leave me bitter. I am no longer the person I once was. I am indifferent, not a people pleaser. I have also come to understand, as I am sure you have. The person whom I thought I knew was not real. But the belittling, constant criticizing, that was real.

Once the mask becomes too heavy, it starts to fall apart and shatter. You see them for who they truly are.

I would not wish this experience on anyone, but I did learn from it. It may take a few times before you finally know your worth and realize this was not your fault, that you deserve love far more than what was given.

You will find yourself wondering, “What was I thinking?!”

The positive side, you can and will get through this. You will rise above all the pain and trauma and thrive. Meanwhile, they will be stuck in the toxic cycle.

Believe it or not, they gave you the gift of being independent. You were too strong for them.

Learn from your experiences, educate yourself about Narcissistic Abuse, and share this knowledge with someone who may be going through a similar situation.

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