Why We Miss The Signs
*Note: This post may contain trigger warnings.*
Red Flags are often associated as warnings; we see them at beaches to alert us about rip currents, hurricanes, and we see them at construction sites.
But why are Red Flags in relationships so often ignored until it’s too late? Why do we only realize afterward that it was a warning- your gut instinct screaming at you to pay attention, a bright flashing beacon, that light tap on your shoulder telling you. “This is not a good idea”
Why did we ignore the warnings? Because we believed the stories they were telling us, and the promises they made that they loved us and would protect us and never leave.
The Hidden Agenda
Let’s go back to the beginning of the relationship. Getting to know each other, they asked so many questions, and seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say, but they were very selective about what they shared with you. The sob stories about their childhood garnered your attention.
This was just the beginning.
Gaining Your Trust
Little by little, they seemed to care about what you had to say. What you were willing to share was encouraged, but this would eventually be used against you later. They were slowly, methodically, trying to figure out where your vulnerabilities were.
This would be considered a Red Flag.
During the relationship losing our way because we thought it was what love was supposed to be, learning later that it wasn’t cuts deep.
A Tough Lesson
This may not seem believable right now, but you will get through this. It is a lesson that you were given as an opportunity to learn your worth. What you will and will not accept in a partner.
You were giving to a taker, not an equal. To the Narcissist, you were fuel, an ego boost, and eventually- if you let them-a placeholder.
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness was never taught to us in school or by our parents. , trusting and letting our guard down was a mistake, but not everyone has a kind heart. These are things we learn afterward during the healing process.
You are not foolish or stupid. You are kind, caring, loving – something that the toxic person will never be.
They were envious of all that you were and deep down wanted you miserable. They knew you were too strong, powerful and resilient and no one can take that from you. When they realize this and the fact that they can no longer control you. The Discard is the final move in their twisted mind game.
To help make sense of the confusion and start reclaiming your power, I highly recommend taking a few minutes to watch this video by Dr. Ramani: