Tag: EmotionalAbuseIsAbuse

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The Changing Narcissist

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The Chameleon

Like the chameleon, a Narcissist is always changing to either fit in with everyone or hide who they really are.

A Narcissist will almost always change their taste in music, what they wear, and how they present themselves in front of others. Especially if it is to gain supply.

The hobbies or interests you have may suddenly also interest them. If you like photography

They will have an interest in it.

Some of the music you enjoy listening to will be played around you because they like it now. Of course, there will be times when they dislike it and will be vocal about it.

After a while, you find that the interests you once had are pushed aside, no longer enjoyable, because you are either being forced to do them or just too tired to do anything, since being with a Narcissist or a toxic person.

They have drained you.

Now you will notice a change. A Covert Narcissist, especially, will start to act indifferently towards you. You spend less and less time together. Yes, you will receive the occasional breadcrumbing to see if you are still interested, which will lead you to believe that everything is fine. it is not. This is part of their playbook.

They are focusing on a new supply. Your replacement. The next phase of the Narcissistic Cycle is always the Discard. The biggest change to their personality you will ever see and never forget. Their true self. The person behind the mask.

Time to shift the focus to you.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Looking ahead, now is a great opportunity to rediscover yourself, focus on your mental and physical health. The person you once were no longer exists.

Mourn what you thought “What could have been,” and know that you have a new start. Freedom.

Start doing what you enjoy. I mention this many times on different posts because it is important.

What have you always wanted to do but were held back by the Narcissist? You can do that now.

Read or listen to a good book. Start a journal whatever you want to do.

One thing I hear a lot about is doing Shadow Work healing and working on yourself. Personally, I enjoy learning about Stoicism

It is also beneficial in the healing process; you may discover tools that work specifically for you.

We need to educate ourselves, as well as others, about Narcissism and the many types to be aware of, not ignoring the signs. A narcissist can only hide behind many masks for so long before they become too burdensome.

We can change for the better, grow, and learn through this painful but necessary life lesson. While a Narcissist will never change for the better, unless they understand something within them is not right, and they get help.

They will only get worse and bitter as the cycle continues.

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What Happens After Narcissistic Abuse

A man in deep introspection sitting next to a stack of books, reflects on a toxic relationship
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Self Reflection

Over the past few weeks, I have done quite a bit of this myself. Not the “What Ifs” or anything like that, but truly processing the reality of narcissistic abuse and realizing what I allowed to happen. I accepted the mistreatment for 30 years thinking it was normal behavior since I grew up with a Narcissistic Father.”

It was abuse, not joking, not love, getting the bare minimum while giving 100 percent in the relationship.

Love should not hurt. The Narcissist does everything they can to cause you to doubt yourself, belittle and isolate you from your friends and family.

The Reality of the Discard

Anyone who has experienced the discard knows the pain; it is like nothing you have ever endured.

I never knew how bad things were in our marriage until after they walked away from my life, only to begin a new life with someone else. You are left to pick up the pieces. To clean up the mess and the chaos they left behind.

While everyone around me knew about the manipulation and the mistreatment, they stayed silent.

Post-discard felt like being in Hell, the endless climb out of the depths of despair, anger, and a wide range of emotions. Sometimes, these feelings creep back, seemingly out of nowhere, while on other days, you feel fine.

The abuse encountered was 100 percent real, no question.

Learning to Trust Again

Trusting people again becomes a challenge. Jumping over this hurdle does take time, so go easy on yourself.

Personally, my expectations now are extremely high. Because I never set clear boundaries, partners easily misled and used me time and time again. This allowed them to take advantage of my trust and disregard my feelings.

A toxic person only cares about what they can get from you.

There is always a hidden agenda with a Narcissist, and no one deserves that kind of disrespect.

They treat a complete stranger better than they treat you, which is unusual behavior. As well as a red flag.

We don’t need to be with someone who demands our undivided attention and constant admiration, or who questions our love instead of reciprocating it.

This lesson did not leave me bitter. No longer am I the person I once was. I am indifferent, not a people pleaser. I have also come to understand, as I am sure you have. The person whom I thought I knew was not real. But the belittling, constant criticizing, that was real.

Once the mask becomes too heavy, it starts to fall apart and shatter. You see them for who they truly are.

The important thing to remember is to know you’re worth so much more than the bare minimum that was given to you

You will find yourself wondering, “What was I thinking?!”

Rising Above the Trauma

The positive side, you can and will get through this. You will rise above all the pain and trauma and thrive. They will be stuck in the toxic cycle.

Believe it or not, they gave you the gift of being independent. You were too strong for them.

Learn from your experiences, educate yourself about Narcissistic Abuse, and share this knowledge with someone who may be going through a similar situation.

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Being With A Narcissist Is Exhausting

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Getting Back On Schedule- Post Break-Up

The one thing you feel during the relationship and once it is over is exhaustion. Your body is so used to inadequate sleep that you feel like running on fumes.

You are always tired, either tossing and turning or anxious.

During the relationship with the Narcissist, did you really get a good night’s sleep? More than likely, you didn’t. They either tried talking to you as you were trying to sleep or snored so loud you thought the roof shingles would fly off.

The lack of sleep made you vulnerable to illness, inability to focus on daily tasks, and ultimately affected your mood, something I am sure the Narcissist pointed out to you as well.

Hopefully, this is all behind you now, and you can focus on your health, well-being, and getting quality sleep.

One tool that is well worth the investment is a weighted blanket

These are life-changing and very comforting, as they help with anxiety and overall comfort.

I have one and I love it!

A noise-cancelling sleep mask can help you relax and unwind while you enjoy music, an audiobook, or a Podcast.

Another idea to help you create a calm environment so you will drift off to sleep is an essential oil diffuser

Please do not use this around pets; essential oils are toxic.

I hope this brings you a better understanding of what you are currently experiencing or have previously. You are definitely not alone.

You will get through this!

Please feel free to Like, Share, Follow, and reach out if you have any questions. The link to my email is on my website, along with links to social media

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One Side Effect that you notice post-Narcissist Discard

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How A Narcissist Affects Your Health

There are many symptoms you may or may not notice during a toxic relationship or marriage to a Narcissist.

Until the relationship finally ends.


The dismissive behavior, where they use those subtle jabs, is usually present throughout the relationship. Sleep disturbances and lack of sleep occur when they either talk to you, say something to upset you, or start a fight, knowing it will bother you. They will, of course, expect sex. While offering no apology.

Anxiety and Depression, this happens when you are constantly trying to make them happy, keep the peace, while you’re thoughts and feelings are being dismissed or ignored. Feeling like you are always walking on eggshells.

Accusations of your unfaithfulness, which are actually confessions. Causing you to defend yourself, as it lowers your self-esteem.

The Narcissist hates when you are sick or when your children are. The narcissist dislikes it when you or your children are not feeling well, as this requires effort from them; they do not show compassion or care. This behavior is off-putting.

I remember when they were not feeling well, dropping everything to tend to their needs. Even taking them to the hospital. But when I had surgery or a sick child in the hospital, did you think they stayed?

You experienced unexplained aches, pains, and exhaustion. This is a noticeable side effect that gradually diminishes as you heal after the end of the relationship.

Once the toxic person is removed from your life, you start to feel better and gain clarity on everything you experienced. Regaining your strength, self-worth, and confidence is a gradual process that helps eliminate self-doubt. It takes time to rebuild your strength, self-worth, and confidence while removing self-doubt.

You never look at them the same way ever again. It was you who had the caring, compassionate understanding, the love. This, you now realize, was never given to you in return.

They just watched as you slowly fell apart.

What they offered may have seemed significant because we believed the love they showed was real. We now know the truth. The most powerful gift of all was the awakening to your own worth—the undeniable truth that you are deserving of far more than they could ever provide. You gave them something they could never reciprocate. Genuine love.

I hope this post helps you gain more clarity.

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The Emotional Rollercoaster of Narcissistic Abuse

Surviving the emotional rollercoaster of narcissistic abuse is exhausting. Learn how to identify the toxic cycles, handle the discard, and reclaim your life.
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Stop The Ride!

The emotions you encounter when you are dealing with narcissistic abuse or a toxic individual can feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster—their moods change from one minute to the next. You could be in a great mood until they come home. Even a visit from a toxic friend or family member who does nothing but complain can instantly ruin your day.“

It is as if they are having a bad day; you should too. Toxic people thrive on chaos, stressing you out! It is exhausting!

This soon causes you anxiety, you don’t know who you will get when the door opens.

When you show any type of emotion, this triggers them.

The toll it takes on you is something you can’t explain.

If you ever go on vacation with them, it can be stressful. Driving dangerously, knowing that it makes you anxious. Your feelings are not important to them.

They want you to feel how they feel deep down.

The Pain of the Discard in Narcissistic Abuse

I was devastated after the discard, betrayed, and angry. Did I want revenge? At first, yes, but what good would that do? As he was packing his things, I never tried to stop or beg him to stay. At some point their behavior becomes predictable, exhausting and you slowly begin to mentally check out because no matter how hard you try, the goal post will only continue to raise higher.

Shifting the focus is something you never have the chance to do when you are with a Narcissist. You were too busy jumping through hoops to make peace, to try making them happy, that was a losing battle.

The Discard was and still is a blessing, a gift.

You will find peace, especially after going no contact, blocking them on social media, and deleting the photos. Using the gray rock method and going no contact is one of the best things you can do for yourself to reclaim your life!

Mel Robbins and Dr. Ramani give you the tools to help deal with Difficult people, identify the signs of emotional abuse and gain a better understanding of their toxic behavior and the realization that they will never change.

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