Tag: Narcissistic Abuse

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Pets and The Narcissist

Unconditional Love? Not From A Narcissist

Pets offer their owners love, protection, and loyalty and only want that in return.

They are very instinctive. They can tell when something is not right. Some have been known to sense that their owners are sick, and they are protective when they sense danger.

The Narcissist appears caring and concerned and helps you take care of the pet until the novelty wears off and the responsibility falls on you.

This is usually when you see the mask of the Narcissist begin to slip, you are focusing the attention on your pet, not the Narcissist who acts like a child having a tantrum. They get angry because they are not the main focus of your attention.

They start to isolate and ignore you. This causes confusion and worry. You wonder if you once again have done something wrong to cause their strange behavior. This tactic leaves you feeling like you are walking on eggshells.

You did nothing wrong.

This is Narcissistic Abuse

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Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

The Endless Game

LoveBombing

You are pursued and showered with attention, maybe even gifts or compliments. It feels like a dream come true. Where has this person been? You are put on a pedestal. The relationship accelerates, but you are, unfazed.

GasLighting

They claim this tactic as a way to question your sanity when reminded of something they either said or promised. “I never said that”, or “You are crazy!” This leaves you completely confused.

DeValue

Everything they were once attracted to, they hate. The way you dress and your appearance, are criticized. Leaving you filled with self-doubt and very low self-esteem. Constantly second-guessing yourself. You wonder what you did wrong, and why they are treating you this way, so you change after apologizing. You notice that you are always tired, and forgetful, the aches and pains that you never had before. This is your body taking a toll on all of the abuse. This is something that you are unaware of at the moment.

Discard

This is the part that I would not wish on anyone. It is the most painful. This was their plan from the beginning, gaining their trust, knowing everything they can about you, so they can use that against you later.

You are blamed for the breakup or left believing you were the problem. It is a cruel, twisted game to them and if you wonder if they feel bad about it, they do not. The end game is to leave you broken. To destroy you. There is a very good chance that they have someone waiting for them.

To those who left the Narcissist, I commend you, it takes a lot of strength.

Hoover

This is simply just their way of trying to gain control over you again. By feeding you lies empty promises. Once you begin the healing process you do not hear from them. They have moved on with the new, or recycled supply. But once you have healed, move on. Set boundaries. Then they show up acting like nothing happened wanting to be with you. But it is not for the reason you think. They do not miss you, they are not sorry and they do not love you, they never did. The only agenda hurt you even more than the last time. Do Not Fall For it!

The cycle begins again.

The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse video by Rebecca Zung

further explains this topic

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The Doormat

While in a toxic or Narcissistic Abusive relationship, you are treated like a doormat
Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com

Feeling Used: The Many Facets of a Narcissistic Abuse Relationship

Have you ever taken a step back once the relationship ends and noticed how you were treated unfairly?

The phrase “Treated like a Doormat” is something rarely heard, but so is Narcissistic Abuse

It makes so much sense now.

The feeling of what used to be excitement when you saw their vehicle enter the driveway, has been replaced with overwhelming anxiety and dread.

The Reality of “Situationships” and Control

Looking back on the early stages of the situationship before marriage, I was being controlled and manipulated, but I did not know it at the time. You may be wondering, How did you not know? It was combined with charm, and there was lots of it—with a bit of guilt.

I realize now besides being manipulated I was used, and taken advantage of. At some point, I mentally checked out. Unfortunately, I was still being walked all over.

I let it happen because, in some strange way, I thought it was love. I was very mistaken.

The Turning Point: Walking Away From One-Sided Love

After he grew tired of breadcrumbing. He decided to walk away after we spent many years together. But when he left, I never went after him, to make him stay. I was hurt and devastated but then I came to realize that the marriage only meant something to me. It was one-sided. He was never really there for me like I had been for him. He took so much, yet gave so little in return.

Now there is peace. I am no longer a doormat, a sounding board. That is someone else’s problem now.

I dodged a bullet.

Reclaiming Your Life and Healing

So, as you grieve, understand that it is completely normal to do that. You are mourning what you thought was real. You are no longer the doormat, their sounding board.

Give yourself time. You will learn and grow from this experience and are so much more deserving of love and respect.

I hope this helped in some way.

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When The Fog Lifts

Was it all in my head?

During the relationship, or as I refer to it as the “Situationship” many things happen, the memories are only bits and pieces and not all with a warm fuzzy feeling.

You were emotionally and physically exhausted and your health was suffering, as well as your mood.

You felt alone, isolated, and miserable, constantly jumping through hoops to please them or simply to keep the peace, only that felt like a never-ending battle.

Once you either find the courage and inner strength to leave, or you were discarded. You begin to go through the may stages of grief, because in a sense, it was a death.

You begin to realize how much you allowed yourself to put up with the disrespect, the lies, empty promises, and cheating. The list goes on.

Bit by bit you will find that some memories come back, thankfully, not all at once!

The realization of the mental abuse causes you to feel ashamed, embarrassed, and of course anger, all completely normal reactions.

So much of your life was stolen from you. It’s realized now that it was all a lie.

The other realization was that how you treated people and how you were treated made you, not yourself. The Abuse made you a shell of your former self.

Now you understand, you were manipulated, isolated from your Family, Friends and picked apart by the Narcissist. You felt as if you were walking on eggshells, never knowing what kind of mood you were about to face.

Now, it is time to shift the focus to you, and your mental and physical health. Reconnect with friends and family. Go to counseling, maybe even keep a journal, and start a hobby. All the things you could not do while you were with the Narcissist.

Now go take back your independence!

Below is a video by NarcDaily his videos are very informative and have helped me as well.

The Narcissistic Fog

I hope this post was helpful to you!

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The Aha Moment

The Awakening

Now I know I am not the only one who has experienced this, post discard you find yourself going through a wide range of emotions, all completely normal, by the way

You then find yourself searching the internet with the symptoms you encountered, and what you experienced, then you see the word Narcissism finally a name and all the symptoms appear to fit

YouTube has some valuable information on the subject and although you have gained some greater knowledge on the subject, you still find there is more to learn. After all, you need to know the red flags to watch out for so you don’t repeat the same mistake. It’s a very hard lesson to learn and heal from.

This was not a normal, healthy relationship.

The topic is all over it. You knew something wasn’t right but constantly felt that you were to blame for everything. You did not imagine it.

Narcissistic Abuse is real and now you want to educate yourself on the subject. This information could be helpful to others.

Waking Up To Narcissistic Abuse- Video By: Lisa A Romano

I hope this video helped you understand that this was not your fault. It also gives you a better understanding of what you went through

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What Is Narcissism?

A Narcissist is someone who can be very charming and charismatic but also lacks empathy toward people’s feelings and has zero respect for boundaries.

Narcissism is a word often misused. We can mistake it if we are around people who may have the characteristics. We may have those as well but that does not make us a Narcissist. The difference is that while we have empathy. A Narcissist does not.

A Narcissist is only interested in themselves, and what others can do for them. They have a sense of entitlement, a total disregard for other people’s feelings, and no empathy.

A Secret Behind The Smile?

They feed on people’s insecurities and are masters at manipulation, even to the point where you think that you are the problem, but you are not.

They do not feel good about themselves, even if their outward appearance shows otherwise. They try to learn everything about you and your weaknesses to use against you later.

A Narcissist is not capable of love, at least not the love you or I know, or deserve, their love comes at a cost. Always.

Dishonesty and keeping secrets are part of their game, as are different versions of themselves, whether around co-workers, friends, or family.

Below is a video that will hopefully help you gain more insight. I find his content very beneficial.

Video: Dr. Les Carter – A Narcissist’s 3 Selves

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