From Fairy Tale to Nightmare
The “situationship” with this person feels like nothing you have ever experienced. You would be absolutely right.
In the early stages, everything seems perfect, too good to be true.
The Illusion of Perfection
Once the celebration is over and you have returned from your honeymoon, things slowly start to change. They are subtle, and of course, you might dismiss them. The insults start small, similar to when you were dating. Now, there are high expectations, and the bar is slowly rising. You do whatever you can to make them happy. They seem appreciative. But the bar is just continuously moved higher.
Over time you find that the person you lovingly greeted at the door is now always on edge and you feel like it is something you did, becoming a bit anxious. Maybe they had a bad day at work?
They complain about work during dinner and you listen. Thinking to yourself, they never wanted to hear about my day, it was always, leave work problems, at work.
Moving the Goalposts
Soon it is about the meals you cook for them. As well as how you dress and clean the house, as they go through the once-cleaned house like the Tasmanian devil tossing things everywhere. Still, you are now expected to wait on them. Now you feel sad, it is like their bad mood has affected you.
“Relationships” or being married to a Narcissist are complicated and misunderstood. You feel like the only one steering the boat with one paddle, while the other person sits and criticizes.
It takes work, compromise, understanding and patience to keep any relationship going good and bad. People who love and respect each other will do what needs to be done to make it work. Not just keep the peace, you should be able to voice your concerns without keeping things bottled up.
A narcissist simply won’t put in the effort to discuss problems or address your concerns—they would rather walk away. Instead of feeling like a partner, you are left feeling like a parent or a maid to your own spouse. No one deserves that treatment. And if you have children, believe me, they notice this toxic dynamic unfolding, even if they stay silent out of fear.
The Public Performance
A Narcissist can love you one minute and resent you the next. This also goes for their own children. The love a child gives a Narcissistic parent is never reciprocal, merely a transaction.
The marriage is, in their eyes, a big production where they basically put on a performance that fools everyone, yes, even you.
Financial Control and Strings Attached
This is another way they gain control over your finances, claiming that you don’t know how to handle them, so they want to take over the responsibility. This causes bills, often times in your name, to become delinquent. Do not let them be in control of your finances! You will never see it, and when they tell you, “My money is our money,” the truth is your money is their money, and their money is also theirs. It comes down to you constantly having to ask for money, especially if it is a joint account. They deliberately do not make it easy for you.
I hope this post helps shed some light on what you may be experiencing right now. If you recognize these signs in your own life and realize things cannot be saved, understanding the reality of divorcing a narcissist is your critical next step to protecting your future.
If you know someone else who is trapped in this fog, please feel free to share this post—it could be the validation they desperately need to see.
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